


Ensnared

by 0_0whut0_0



Series: To Live and Love [1]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Drama & Romance, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-29
Updated: 2017-03-29
Packaged: 2018-10-12 14:21:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 19
Words: 34,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10492770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/0_0whut0_0/pseuds/0_0whut0_0
Summary: Matthew struggles to remember his past, but what is he to do when two people reappear in his life? One tries to hide Matthew's past, while the other tries to uncover it. Nikolas wants to open his heart to those he loves, but some scars are too deep to completely heal.





	1. The Boy Who Forgot

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone!
> 
> I am slowly moving all of my stories over here to AO3, because the other site I use has too many rules that I personally think are ridiculous. I wasn't going to move this one quit yet, because I wanted to completely rewrite it, but just in case something were to happen on the other site, I would rather they be out over here. 
> 
> Enjoy this oldy but goody!

A boy stretched out his gloved hand and watched as the pale white snow landed softly on the wooly red material and quickly melted away.The honey blonde looked up at the heavily falling snow, and closed his violet eyes. He wrapped his thin arms around his torso. An icy wind blew through the layers he had worn that day, freezing him to the core. He smiled bitterly to up at the sky, and closed his eyes.

 

….

Matthew walked through the freshly fallen snow on the sidewalk on his way to Hetalia High, trying to keep his mind off what he didn't know, or the people he may have used to know, when he heard quick, light footsteps, and someone gasping for breathe. He turned and saw his friend Bella, trying to catch up to him. He stopped and waited for her to catch up. 

As soon as she did though, she stuck her bottom lip out, and pouted. "What's wrong with your face?" She asked, making Matthew panic and touch his face frantically.

"M- my face! What! Do I have a pimple, measles, maple syrup, pan-"

Bella rolled her green eyes and grabbed his hands. "Mattie! Not like that, I meant your always frowning nowadays. It doesn't suit you at all." She said crossing her arms over her non-existent chest. Matthew looked taken aback for a few seconds before giving her a small but true smile, making Bella brighten noticeably, but in the back of her mind she still worried for her friend, whose smile seemed to get smaller every time she saw him, which was also becoming less and less.

The pair walked a little farther up the slick path and got to the schools front gates, talking and laughing, in a matter of minutes, where Matthew stopped. School had always been hard for him. He wasn't a particularly big fellow, but skinny and lanky, making him an easier target for the schools bullies, when they noticed him, and the bullying had become even worse when he had accidentally come out to the whole school the last year.   
He gripped the wet iron fence and took a deep breath and set his jaw. He could do this. He couldn't go back to that dark place. He had promised Alfred he would get better. 

Bella glanced at Matthew worriedly. She opened her mouth to say something helpful, maybe even funny, but her voice was overpowered by someone else's.

"Well! If it isn't Homo boy and his side kick the flat chested freak!"

Matthew visibly stiffened at the voice. "Shut up, Mathias!" Bella said coldly, folding her arms in front of her chest in spite of herself, and turned to glare at the intruder.   
Mathias was a boy in Matthew's class as they had been for years. Mathias used to leave him alone, even seemed nice, but all that changed when Matthew came out. Mathias was tall and filled out with large biceps. He had large blue eyes that told people and teachers he was up to no good. He wouldn't be caught dead without his hair gelled into haphazard spikes.

Mathias paid her no mind as he stalked toward Matthew who still had his back turned. He gripped the hem of Matthew's coat in his hands. "Hey there Mattie." He whispered, his hot breathe rushing past Matthew's ear, making his skin crawl. "It's been awhile huh." Mathias' hands had found their way inside Matthew's shirt and were slowly making their way up his torso. They were rough and covered in calluses. Matthew felt his heart begin to race with fear. Black spots danced around in front of Matthew's eyes, making it hard for him to focus. The hands worked their way higher. Matthew couldn't breathe. His throat was closing up and his heart began beating faster and faster, feeling as though it was about to break through his chest. One hand began to move downward, closer and closer to the hem of his jeans. Blood rushed to Matthew's head, making him dizzy. He barely registered Bella trying to scream at him to move, to do something, and he couldn't feel her tugging at his arm, or trying to push off Mathias all at the same time. He was helpless in Mathias's iron grip. The hand crawled even lower and the spots started to blind him. He swayed backwards.

And then it was gone.

Matthew crumpled to the ground, gasping for breath. Bella kneeled next to him.

"Are you alright?" Matthew heard someone say. He looked up and his breathe caught.   
Looking down to him was a tall boy, about his age, with white hair and deep red eyes. He wore a black and white striped sweater with a fur lined black vest and knee high boots. He was beautiful. And he was holding a struggling Mathias by the collar of his shirt, even though this new boy was much smaller than Mathias.

Matthew looked back down and coughed, a blush rising to his face. He nodded mutely. 

"Let me go!" Mathias yelled, trying to get the boy to let go. The albino's smile immediately fell away from his face and his eyes got darker, making them look more like blood than rubies. Before Matthew could blink, the boy was on top of Mathias, straddling his hips, his face inches from Mathias'. Mathias had hid arms pinned beneath him, the asphalt rubbing at his hands.  
Mathias gulped. The boy leaned forward until his mouth was at Mathias' ear and he whispered something Matthew couldn't hear. His chest heaved as he tried desperately to get oxygen.  
Matthew barely caught the widening of Mathias' eyes as the boy sat back. As soon as he lifted himself off of the shaking Mathias, Mathias rolled over and ran through the gates, never glancing back. 

The boy turned to Matthew and Bella, his smile back in place. "Well he was annoying." He said simply.  
Matthew attempted to laugh, but only coughed heavily, his body convulsing, then passed out in Bella's lap.   
"I'll get a teacher to take him to the nurse." Bella said quickly, stroking Matthew's blonde, soft hair, wondering where or how she could get to a teacher with a passed out boy sleeping on her.

"Don't bother, I'll take him," the boy said, waving his pale hand.

"How?" Bella asked, clenching her hands a little on Matthew's head.

"Carry him of course." He said, picking up Matthew with ease and held him close to his chest.

"Oh. Thank you… Um…" Bella stuttered.

The boy looked at Matthew's peacefully sleeping face. "Gilbert."   
Gilbert turned away and made his way to the front office where the nurse was located. He leaned in close and put his forehead on Matthew's.  
"I'm back, Birdie."  
...


	2. The Boy Who Remembers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There won't be many notes as of yet, until I rewrite I guess, but just to let you guys know, the relationships in this story move horrendously fast.   
> I don't know why, but when I was writing this a million years ago, I was like: THEY HAVE TO BE TOGETHER NOW!!

First Matthew noticed how uncomfortable the bed he was in was. The hard plastic covered sheets stuck to his sweat and made his back ache. Second he noticed how heavy his torso felt. It felt like someone decided to put a rock, a big rock, on his waist. He was finding it rather hard to breathe. He opened his violet eyes slowly, wincing at the harsh lights above his head. His groggy and slow mind could not quite comprehend what his eyes were seeing, and only after some time could he make out two ruby colored eyes, staring directly into his violet. They stared at each other for a few moments, Matthew blinking, and Gilbert smiling, before Matthew's face exploded into a cherry red.

"Well, hello there sleepy hea-AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" He yelled as he was unceremoniously thrown from Matthew's bed and onto the white floor. "Owwwwwww…" He whined, looking up pitifully at Matthew, who had his hands over his red cheeks. "Why'd you do that?" He asked standing up, rubbing his sore bottom.

"Well, what would you do if you saw someone you didn't know straddling you?" Matthew asked softly, bringing the sheet up to his chin, looking away.   
Gilbert's hand twitched, and his smile faltered, but he quickly covered it up with an even bigger smile. Of course he wouldn't remember. 

"Okaaaaay… I guess you're right… But it still hurt my awesome butt!" He complained.

Abruptly Matthew sat up. "What time is it? What period are we in?" He asked swiftly, his head whipping around for a clock.

"Ummmm. It's about third period."

"WHAT! I need to go!" Matthew said, trying to untangle himself from the scratchy blanket that had captured him.

Gilbert stepped forward and with one hand he pushed Matthew back down, and with the other he grabbed Matthew's wrist and held it onto the bed. "No."

"W- what?" Matthew kept struggling, but couldn't ignore the searing hands that touched his chest and arm. "You don't understand. I have to get back to class." He mumbled, grabbing the hand on his chest, trying to yank the burning thing off.

Gilbert sighed and pushed harder. "Why?"

Matthew groaned and stopped moving, rubbing his aching head. "I have too many missed days. I need to make up a ton of work before break."

Gilbert shrugged. "Not good enough." His face got closer. "You're not leaving this room until you are 100 percent better." Gilbert said sounding serious.

"But I am better!" Matthew argued wiggling under the intense heat of Gilberts hands again. 'Stop touching me… you're too warm… It burns.' He thought to himself. He thrashed and struggled when suddenly the scorching hands were on his face, making him freeze completely, and his breath stop. He was forced to look straight into Gilbert's red eyes, which seemed to be getting closer and closer. "What are you-" Matthew was cut off by warm soft lips being pressed against his own. His violet eyes widened and his heart slammed against his ribcage almost excruciatingly so. His brain told him to pull away, but his pounding heart told him to do differently.

Blood rushed in his ears as he slid his eyes closed and tilted his head to deepen the kiss. He brought his shaking hands to Gilbert's shoulders, then around his neck. Gilbert smiled, happiness flooding through his veins. He climbed onto the bed, putting Matthew in between his legs so he was straddling Matthew. He used his hand to cup Matthew's warm cheek and threaded the other through his soft, curly hair. He licked Matthew's bottom lip, begging for entrance which Matthew easily gave. Matthew moaned softly and brought his hands to clutch at Gilbert's smooth shirt. He gently tugged at it, wanting to get Gilbert, a total stranger, closer.

Matthew didn't know why he was doing this, but being this close to Gilbert felt natural… familiar even.

An image burned behind Matthew's closed eyes.

He was younger, maybe fourteen. He was being pushed up against a wall by someone he couldn't see. The whole body seemed to be fuzzy and almost see through. The only thing he did know was that he wasn't being forced into the situation, and was rather enjoying the position he was in. The other person was trailing burning kisses down his neck and his bare shoulders, his hands planted on Matthew's still clothed hips. Matthew's skin was still pale and creamy. Perfect. Matthew's thin hands were tangled in the persons light, sweaty hair. The person was lifting his head, about to kiss him…

Matthew gasped and shot backward, pushing Gilbert off, and slammed his already aching head on the headboard. He clutched at his head while trying to control his rapid breathing and his beating heart, and trying to figure out what he just saw.

"Are you alright Mattie?" Gilbert asked trying and failing to contain his laughter. Matthew glared at him.

"I'm fine, thank you for your concern." He stated sarcastically, rubbing his poor head. Gilbert smiled.

"I've missed you." He whispered so quietly, Matthew didn't even hear him.

"Hm? What did you say Gilbert?" Matthew asked, bending over the side of the bed to put his shoes on.

"Nothing." Gilbert said quickly. Then he realized something. "You know my name!" He said happily clapping his hands together.

"Uh. I'm pretty sure you said it earlier." Matthew said blushing at Gilbert's over enthusiastic smile. 'At least, I think he did.' Matthew thought to himself.

Gilbert hid his happy smile. Matthew had been out cold when he introduced himself. He remembered.

They sat in silence not really wanting to go to class despite all of Matthew's earlier protesting, stuck in their own thoughts when someone knocked on the door, making Matthew jump a little. The door opened to reveal Bella and, the only other friend Matthew had, Nikolas. Nikolas was a rather unassuming character with light blonde hair and an ever present light yellow scarf. He always kept him expression neutral, but his ice blue eyes looked bored and judgmental at the same time.

"Hello, Mattie! Are you feeling better?" Bella asked , smiling brightly, closing the door behind her. She bounced up to Matthew and took his hand. Matthew smiled back and nodded.

"How'd you end up fainting, anyway?" Nikolas asked softly, raising his eyebrow at Gilbert.

Matthew's eyes widened. "Mathias… He… Um…" Matthew stuttered, looking down.

"Well, when I came, the bastard had his hands up Mattie's shirt. Matthew was having a panic attack and the idiot didn't even care." Gilbert spat, glaring at the wall.

"Yeah." Matthew said lamely.

Nikolas' eyes flashed dangerously. "Mathias did that, did he?" He asked softly, not looking at Matthew, but Matthew did notice his hand clenching into a fist.

Gilbert smirked. "Does that… bother you?" Matthew gasped and turned to Gilbert to chastise him, but his words died on his lips when he saw Gilberts eyes. They were narrowed and even darker than before, and he had a smug smile on his face. Bella looked wordily between the two, and edged closer to Matthew. Nikolas stared daggers at Gilbert. His eyes narrowed to slits.

"No." He said coldly. "No it doesn't." He confirmed adjusting his scarf.

"Really?" Gilbert said, still smiling, but it was much more malicious than before. He put his hand on his chin, balancing his elbow on his knee. "Cause it bothered me. It really bothered me when Mathias' filthy hands wound up around Mattie's chest." Gilbert said, acid dipping into his words. Nikolas' eyes had widened. His generally blank face was filled with fear, anger, and hatred, along with something else Matthew couldn't identify. But Gilbert didn't stop there. "The scumbag was whispering all of these obscenities right into Matti-"Gilbert was cut off by a hand coming across his face.

Gilbert looked at Matthew. "Mattie." He said, and Matthew immediately felt guilty. Gilbert sounded genuinely hurt. Gilbert's eyes shone with pain, guilt, and strangely understanding. He looked down ashamed.

"That was out of line." Matthew said, his voice shaking with anger. "Y-you shouldn't say things like that to others." He said sounding less and less confident as he went along. Gilbert looked back up, and Matthew's heart skipped a beat at the intense red gaze.

" I completely deserved that." He said putting a hand on Matthew's head, making Matthew go a lovely shade of scarlet. He looked to Nikolas. "I apologize. I just get overprotective sometimes." He said rubbing Matthews head fondly.

Nikolas' eyes narrowed. "Yes. Me too." He stated coldly. They stood in uncomfortable silence for a few moments.

"Ah. Um. We should head back. To class I mean." Bella interjected nervously, tugging at Matthew's hand. 

Matthew shook off Gilbert's hand, much to Gilbert's disappointment, and walked to the door with Bella. "Y-yeah. Wouldn't want to miss English class…" with that he and Bella ran from the room.

Gilbert and Nikolas stood and stared at each other, neither wanting to back down first. Gilbert laughed a short breathy laugh and practically sauntered out of the room. Nikolas tightened his scarf before silently following.  
...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And then school goes... poof!


	3. Like a Girl

Four hours later, Matthew found himself alone, standing in front a wrought iron gate that led into the town's cemetery. The snow from earlier had turned into freezing rain, which had pierced through Matthew’s light red hoodie, and his blonde hair stuck to his face. His hands tightened around the bouquet of his papa's favorite flowers. Orange roses. He took a deep breath and pushed through the rusty gate, the grass making squishing noises under his feet. The air was cold and an infinite fog settled on the frozen ground, the gravestones just barely poking through it.

Matthew made his way through the graves, shivering a little from the cold, and a little from the creepy atmosphere. He took a few more steps and stopped in front of a simple gray grave stone. The epitaph read:

A man who died before his time

1978-2010

Francis Bonnefoy

That was it. Matthew clenched his fist. Those few words, when his papa deserved so much more. He deserved a story, a novel on how great, amazing, and supportive he was. He deserved to still be alive, not dead in a plain wooden coffin that didn't suit him at all in a 6 foot deep hole in the ground… or that's what Matthew thought he knew about his papa. He had to be, right? 

Matthew fell to his knees, burying his face in his hands, the flowers forgotten on the ground. "I deserve to be the one down there, not you." He said aloud, his voice cracking. "Anyone but you." He whispered, tears trailing down his already soaked face. "What really sucks is that I can't even remember why I was so upset, what we were talking about earlier that day, the way your voice sounds, or even the color of your eyes. Dad threw them all away. All the pictures of you, everything. All I can remember about you before the accident is your smile; but that's it! I try so hard to remember anything about you, and it kills me papa! It kills me that no matter how hard I try, I can't!" He began to sob, bending over the top of his legs. "Why did you have to die? W-why couldn't it have been me?! Then I wouldn't have to live with this guilt, and then I could be up there, watching over my friends instead of forgetting them all!" He shouted into his legs.

"Stop being so selfish." A voice behind him said. Matthew practically jumped out of his skin. He turned to see who was disturbing his self- punishment, already half sure of who it was.

"G- Gilbert?" He whispered his bloodshot eyes widening. He turned away. "Why are you here?"

Gilbert walked forward and knelt next to Matthew. "Visiting someone."

His voice didn't hold its usual vibrato of happiness and cockiness that Matthew had heard earlier. Instead he sounded empty and maybe a little angry. "Did you really mean what you said? About wanting to die?" Gilbert asked looking toward the sky. Matthew tugged his hoodie over his pale hands.

He didn't say anything. He barely knew Gilbert… did he?... No. He couldn't tell someone he just met something that deep yet… yet. That word bothered Matthew. As did the fact that he had a strong feeling that he knew Gilbert… from somewhere.

Gilbert tossed his arm around Matthew's shoulder and pulled him into an unexpected hug, his arms completely encompassing Matthew's smaller body. Matthew immediately tried to pull away, but Gilbert put on hand on the back of Matthews head and one securely around Matthew's waist, preventing him from getting away. "It's okay." Gilbert whispered into Matthew's ear. "You can cry if you need to." He said, putting his head on Matthews head.

Matthew brought his hand up to push Gilbert away once again, but instead found himself grasping onto Gilbert’s shirt. Fresh tears slid down Matthew's puffy face. He buried his face into Gilbert's heated neck and sobbed. Gilbert whispered comforting words into Matthew's ear and tightened his grip. His eyes pricked with tears and before he knew it he was crying too. Not for himself, not because of Matthew, but for Matthew. He wept until Matthew had long stopped then kept crying. He would always cry for the ones he loved, even if they had no tears left.

…   
Nikolas slid his eyes closed and rubbed his forehead. He was the only member of the student council that was still at the school. Half because he had work to do, and half because he had fallen asleep in the meeting. Again. And half because he didn't feel like going home. He glanced up at the clock and groaned. "It's already 7:30…" He looked down at his unfinished work "I guess I can do it tomorrow." He sighed.

When he finished packing his things, he made his way to the exit and upon getting there groaned again. Of course it was raining. Torrentially. "I could walk home… but I don't wanna get my coat wet… might as well wait it out." He decided, sliding down the wall.

He was about to drift off again when one of the classroom doors swung open and a young girl, a freshman, ran out, tears streaming down her face. She sprinted past Nikolas and right into the rain. "Hm. Guess she just got rejected." He thought to himself, looking back at the door to see who would follow. None other than Mathias walked out, eyes locking onto Nikolas'. He dragged himself over and plopped down next to Nikolas.

"How do you do it?' Mathias asked.

Nikolas looked at him. "Do what?"

"You get almost every girl in this school to profess their love to you almost every day. How can you turn them down?" Mathias asked, his face darkening.

Nikolas blinked. "Well, it's really easy when one doesn't actually like girls." He answered bluntly. Mathias' face and ears turned completely red.

"Oh." Mathias answered lamely. They sat in silence for a few moments when Mathias turned to Nikolas and asked: "Have you ever… k-kissed another guy?"

Nikolas raised an eyebrow. "I- I mean cause, uh, is it the same? As kissing a girl?" Mathias rushed out.

Nikolas smirked, leaning closer. "Why don't I just show you?"

Mathias' blue eyes widened and he turned a new shade of red. "But I'm not-" Nikolas' eyebrow went up. "I mean I don't think-" Nikolas propped his head on his hand and smiled more. "I don't know anymore." Mathias sighed in defeat.

"So?" Nikolas said, not to gently pushing Mathias against the wall and crawled on top of Mathias, his legs on either side of Mathias'. "Why don't we find out?" He whispered putting his forehead against Mathias'. Mathias didn't push him off, but his face went even redder. "Have you ever kissed anyone before?" Nikolas asked, threading his fingers through Mathias' hair.

"Well… U-uh… No." Mathias stuttered. Nikolas sighed in mock exasperation.

"Then I guess I'll have to teach you too."

Mathias visibly gulped. Nikolas gently tilted Mathias' chin to the side and grazed his thumb over Mathias' lips. He took his other hand and guided Mathias' shaky hands to his hips.

Mathias' heart slammed against his chest. "Why am I not stopping him?" He thought as Nikolas' face came closer. He barely knew Nikolas. Sure, he had a huge crush on Nikolas, and he had had one since the beginning of high school, but wasn't this a bit much?! But he didn't which is what scared him the most. He wanted this. He'd wanted this since he'd first laid eyes on Nikolas back when they were both fifteen. Mathias was instantly taken with Nikolas' laid back attitude and his rare smiles took his breath away. But what really got his heart going was Nikolas' eyes. They were beautiful, new, and different.

He used to do anything to be noticed by Nikolas. Ask for his notes (Nikolas never took any), ask for a pencil (Nikolas never took notes, so no pencil necessary), and even asked to borrow a text book (Nikolas doesn't have a pencil to take notes from the text books, so he never bothered to bring them), but nothing ever worked. Nikolas would always remain cool and nonchalant, so Mathias went with the best next guy. Matthew. Matthew was kind and smart, not to mention cute, but Mathias put all his anger at not getting Nikolas' attention onto Matthew, and probably hurt him in unimaginable ways. And then this random guy comes out of nowhere suddenly claiming Matthew. And NOW Nikolas wanted him all of the sudden?

The whispered "He's mine." Still rang in his ears.

 

"Why?" He thought. "Why now?" Nikolas brought his hands back up and twisted them into Mathias' wild hair. "What's changed?" Mathias felt Nikolas' breath on his cheek. Nikolas' pupils were blown wide, almost swallowing up the blue. His lips were centimeters away.

"And then you just… come together." Nikolas breathed, closing the gap shutting his eyes.

"Finally." Mathias' mind said. He quickly responded, closing his brown eyes and lightly pushed forward. His hands tightened on Nikolas' hips, pulling him closer.

Nikolas leant forward, pushing Mathias harder against the wall. His tongue slid on Mathias' bottom lip.

Mathias' eyes snapped open, and he pulled away gasping. Nikolas stared at him for a second before snorting.

"What?" Mathias asked, sounding offended.

"You kiss like a girl." Nikolas answered, way too amused.

Mathias's face, ears, and neck turned a bright cherry red. "Y-YOU KISS LIKE A GIRL!" He shouted shoving a hysterical Nikolas off his lap and running away, out into the now drizzling rain.

Nikolas smirked. "This will be fun." He said standing, fixing his scarf for he millionth time that day, grabbed his bag and walked out as well, whistling.

"Lots and lots of fun."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does anyone else cringe when they read their old work?


	4. Bird Feathers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> :l

"Has anyone ever told you, that you make awesome tea?" Gilbert said another sip of his mint tea, closing his eyes to savor the taste. It was light and relaxing. And Matthew had made it.

After a while of sitting in the graveyard with the rain and fog, Gilbert had started to turn a little blue and sneezed a few times, so Matthew took Gilbert to his apartment, and made him some tea, gave him some fluffy blankets and a change of clothes that were much too small for him.

"Thanks." Matthew called from the kitchen where he was washing dishes, looking adorable in his polar bear patterned pajamas. He had tied his hair back with a purple elastic to keep it out of his slightly swollen eyes.

Gilbert looked around the apartment from his perch on the white couch. It was extremely... plain... he noted. No color on the walls, no colorful furniture, not even a single picture. The only color in the whole room was a tattered blue ribbon that was tied to a silver lamp.

"Hey Matthew?" Matthew hummed, acknowledging Gilbert he had heard him. "Whose ribbon is this?" Gilbert asked, fingering the ribbon delicately. Matthew didn't answer, and Gilbert heard his breath catch. Gilbert frowned and looked toward the kitchen. Matthew had turned off the water and was staring at the soapy, steaming water.

"I… I think it was my papa's… Maybe." Matthew said quietly.

Gilbert's eyes widened. "Oops." He thought. Matthew turned around and rubbed at his face, not wanting to cry, again, in front of Gilbert. Gilbert placed his cup down and, after unwrapping himself from the blankets, walked into the kitchen. He put a hand on Matthew's shoulder and gently turned him around. He pushed his forehead against Matthews, and took his hands into his own, and looked into his eyes. They were so broken, so desperate, but so beautiful. Oh, so beautiful.

Gilbert pulled Matthew into a warm hug and rocked him back and forth. This was how his mother hugged him when he felt down, even though he was a good two feet taller than her now.

"I… I barely know you." Matthew said his voice muffled by Gilbert's chest. Gilbert's heart fell, but he had to hide it. For Matthew. He pulled away, a smile on his face.

"Fine then. Ask me anything." He said.

Matthew put a hand under his chin as he thought. "What's your favorite song?" He asked.

"Hm. On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays it's Too Sexy for My Shirt. On Tuesdays, Thursdays, Saturdays, and Sundays it's I'm Sexy and I know it." Gilbert answered, receiving a raised eyebrow from Matthew. "What?"

"Nothing." Matthew said waving his hand. "Let's see…"

"Wait!" Gilbert yelled. "What's yours?"

"Carnival of Rust." Matthew answered immediately. "Favorite color?" Gilbert opened his mouth. "You can only have one!" He added.

"Aw, you're no fun!" Gilbert complained. "But, it's chartreuse."

"Chartreuse?" Matthew asked sounding unamused. Gilbert smiled hugely and nodded. "Oh…Kay."

"Yours?" Gilbert asked enthusiastically, even though he already knew the answer.

"Red."

This went on for a good hour and Gilbert never ceased to surprise Matthew with his weird and outlandish answers. Yet something was bothering him. Matthew felt as though he had already knew all of the answers to the questions he had asked. But that was impossible. He'd never met Gilbert before… right?

"Anything else?" Gilbert asked.

"What's your biggest fear?"

"Thinking that you were dead. Thinking that I would never be able to hold you again. Putting you in pain again, like I knew I did when I left. Losing your smile, your love." Gilbert thought. "Hm. Anything that crawls on the ground. In the dark. With tiny legs." He shivered.

Matthew put a hand over his mouth to hide his smile.

"Why do you keep hiding it?" Gilbert asked. He stood up from the counter he had been sitting on and lightly touched Matthew's wrist, bringing the hand down. "There." He said smiling. "I like it better when you smile." He said quietly. Matthew's cheeks turned a light shade of pink and he turned his smile into a fake pout. Gilbert dropped Matthew's hand and put his on the counter next to Matthew's lap. With the other he tilted Matthew's chin down so their faces would be centimeters apart. "But you're cute when you pout too." He said pushing forward and closing the distance between them.

He heard Matthew inhale sharply, but Matthew soon relaxed and pushed forward as well, pushing his hands through Gilbert's soft hair, holding him there. Matthew suddenly smiled.

"What?" Gilbert asked, pulling back as far as he could with Matthew's hands in his hair, smiling back.

"Your hair." Matthew cooed, beginning to pet Gilbert.

"My hair?" Gilbert asked, raising a pale eyebrow.

"It's soft. Like bird feathers." Matthew said threading his fingers through Gilbert bird like hair laughing.

Gilbert felt his heart speed up at Matthew's adorable gestures. "Do you like birds?" He asked putting his hands on top of Matthew's.

"Yeah! They're so cute and tiny." Matthew exclaimed happily.

"I used to have a bird." Gilbert said, watching Matthew's face for any recognition, anything at all. "His name was Gilbird. Cause he was awesome, like me."

"Re-" Matthew started, then gasped. A sharp pain pierced his head.

He was standing in a field, ten years old again, a small yellow puffball in his hands. A boy a little taller than him stood next to him. 

Matthew shook his head, and looked back at Gilbert, who had the strangest look in his eyes. One of expectancy, need, and a hint of desperation. "I- I'm going to finish the dishes." Matthew said, gently pushing Gilbert away. He jumped off the counter and started the sink, and plunged his hands into the now cold water. He could feel Gilbert's gaze burning a hole into his back, but didn't turn around.

Suddenly there was a weight on his back and arms around his waist. He couldn't help but lean back slightly into Gilbert's chest. Gilbert put his cheek on Matthew's head and sighed.

"We should go shopping." He said abruptly.

"What? Now?" Matthew asked.

"No, silly! We don't have school tomorrow, or for the rest of the month for that matter. We'll get breakfast and go shopping, and it'll be easy cause I'm most likely gonna stay the night. We can get some clothes, and there's some new movies that I wanted to check out, so it's a win, win." Gilbert answered, rocking back and forth.

"Clothes?" Matthew asked, trying to look a Gilbert.

"Yeah! You need to wear more color besides red and jeans. More color fits you better." Gilbert said rubbing his face in Matthew's hair silky hair.

"How would you know?" Matthew grumbled, blushing at Gilbert's words and actions.

" Because I know you. Better than anyone, even yourself right now." Gilbert thought, but instead said: "Call it father's intuition."

Matthew snickered. "Father? You're not my dad."

Gilbert put a hand on Matthew's mouth. "So! Where should I sleep?" He asked laughing, glad that Matthew was laughing again.

…

Pain. Fear. Agony. Dark. Cold.

Hundreds of images shot through Matthew’s mind. Broken glass, flashing lights, red and blue, screams, sobbing, sirens.

Trapped. Matthew was trapped in the car. The doors were crushed in. Crimson liquid dropped from his forehead, into his eyes, blinding him, making him more trapped. His body burned when he tried to move. He was helpless. He tried to wipe his stinging eyes, but his arms wouldn't move. Everything was getting darker. The crimson clouding his vision became gray, the loud sounds were dulling. He was dying.

No.

No.

"NO!" Matthew screamed, sitting bolt upright, slamming into something. He slowly opened his wet eyes and looked into Gilbert's large fear filled ones. Tears streamed down Matthew's pale cheeks as he clutched at Gilbert's shirt.

"G-Gil…" Matthew tried to say, but his throat was closing up. "H- He- Help me." He choked. "It's so dark," he whimpered.

Gilbert put his arms around Matthew's shoulders and pulled him into his chest, stroking his blonde hair. "Ssshhh." Gilbert cooed, rocking Matthew. "I'm here. I'll protect you." He whispered. Matthew buried his face into Gilbert’s shirt, sobbing loudly, tears soaking through it.

Gilbert hated this. Seeing Matthew like this. It made his heart ache. Matthew didn't deserve this. No one did. Gilbert tightened his arms around Matthew and kissed his forehead. "I'm here. I'll always be here. I'm not going anywhere."

"That's what… you said… before." Matthew said, drowsiness causing him to slur his words. Gilbert's eyes widened.

"What?' He asked incredulously, but Matthew had fallen asleep. Gilbert took a shaky breath, laid down never letting go of Matthew, put the blanket over them both, and held Matthew closer. He closed his eyes as guilt consumed him.

"I'm sorry."


	5. Memories

"Who's that?"

"He looks weird."

"He's creepy."

"Does he ever smile?"

All the whispered words, sideways glances fell on deaf ears and blind eyes. He should have cared, but he didn't. He just sat at his desk and looked out the window, not paying attention, not caring. He only cared for one thing, and he'd been torn away from it.

"Gilbert Beilschmidt!" The teacher called from the front of the room, shaking Gilbert from his Matthew filled thoughts.

"Yes?" He replied, putting his chin on his hand.

The teacher sighed. "See me after class." This made a few students giggle idiotically. But again. He didn't care.

…

"Mr. Beilschmidt." The teacher said sternly to the albino that stood in front of his desk, only half paying attention. "You've been here for a good three months, and so far you haven't impressed any of the other teachers or faculty." Gilbert stared blankly at the heavy set man. "No friends, no overly outstanding grades, zoning out during class. I know moving in the middle of the year is hard, especially for a teenager, and you had to leave the place you loved, but-" The teacher was cut off when Gilbert slammed his hand on the desk.

"I didn't leave the place I loved… I had to leave the person I love." Gilbert said. His eyes had gone dark and his words were dripping with ice. The teacher gulped visibly. "Now. If you'd excuse me, my mother needs help with dinner." With that Gilbert turned around and walked out, leaving behind a gaping teacher.

…

"Hey mom. I'm home." Gilbert said, walking through the front door. He bent down to take his shoes off. "Mom?" He called again straightening up and walking deeper into the house. She wasn't in the living room or the kitchen.

Finally he found her in her bedroom. She was sitting on the bed facing away from the door, her cell phone on the floor. Even from behind she looked disheveled. Her curly black hair was sticking up in odd directions, her yellow shirt crinkled, and she was slumped forward.

"Mom?" Gilbert repeated. His mother jumped slightly.

"Oh. Welcome home son." Gilbert frowned. She didn't sound right. Her voice sounded rusty, like she'd been crying and yelling for hours. Gilbert walked until he was standing in front of her. He felt his stomach plummet. His mother's face was red and splotchy, and her eyes were puffy and bloodshot.

"Mom. What. Happened?" He asked taking her hand.

She took a deep breath and closed her gray eyes. She stayed that way for what felt like hours before she opened them again, her gray ones staring into Gilbert's red. "There was an accident." Gilbert nodded. His mother took a breath. "They were on their way to the airport. They were coming to visit." Gilbert shook his head slowly, dreading what might come next. "And... and... a car accident, and…and…" His mother started crying again. Gilbert squeezed her hand, urging her to go on, even though his stomach felt like ice. "Oh… Gil… They don't think he'll make it."

Gilbert's world stopped. "Who?" He asked numbly, though he already knew the answer.

"Francis was killed on impact. He has severe head trauma."

"Who, mom?" Gilbert pushed, his voice cracking, and when she didn't answer he got angry. "WHO!?" He shouted shaking her. His mother shook her head. Gilbert's mind shut down and tears fell nonstop down his face. His knees buckled and he collapsed to the floor. He slammed his fist into the ground over and over again. His body burned. It burned everywhere he had touched. His arms, legs, chest, neck, lips. His heart shattered into unfixable pieces. He couldn't breathe. He had to leave. Had to think.

Gilbert shot off the ground and practically sprinted from the house, barely remembering to put his shoes on. He ignored the strange looks his neighbors gave him, and kept running. He'd managed to get into town before having to catch his breath. As he walked with his head down, he didn't pay attention to where he was going, and slammed into someone.

"Oh. Sorry." He apologized numbly, looking down at the person. It was a girl with short blonde hair and big green eyes and she was covered in layers of clothes. He met the girl’s gaze and more tears fell from his eyes. She kind of looked like Matthew.

The small girl gasped, leapt forward, grabbed Gilbert's hand, and ran, tugging him along. Gilbert could have stopped her, yanked his hand out of her and run away, but for some strange reason he didn't. She pulled him along street after street, until finally they stopped in an old empty park, and both very out of breath. The girl dropped his hand and walked over to the rusty blue swing sets and plopped down, clutching her heaving chest. She started swinging lightly. She turned to Gilbert and smiled kindly, patting the swing next to hers with her gloved hand. Gilbert wiped his eyes and took a deep breath before sitting down.

They sat in silence for what felt like eons. Gilbert kept his head down as more tears escaped and fell to the ground. The burning and pain in his heart grew more intense and real as he sat there.

A few more moments passed in silence. "He wouldn't want this you know." The girl said suddenly. He voice was cute and sweet. Gilbert's breath caught and his head swiveled to the girl. She turned to him, her expression calm. "He wouldn't want you to be like this. All sad and crying. Even if he were to die, he wouldn't want you to cry." She finished. Gilbert's eyes widened.

"How… How do you know this?" He whispered, his voice hoarse. "How do you know about Matt- Matthew?" He stuttered over his name. The girl turned away and smiled.

"I don't need to know him, but you have to believe that he will live, because he needs someone to believe in him. Everything else has left him. The ones he loved, he can no longer remember. Those who once loved him, hate him now. You have to believe in him, because no one else does now." She gave Gilbert a sideways glance and smiled again. "I've got to get back before my brother finds out I left." She said standing.

"Wait." Gilbert called standing. The girl turned around. "What's your name?" He asked. The girl smiled widely and took out a slip of paper and pencil from her many coat pockets. She scribbled something on the paper before handing in to Gilbert. He looked at the paper.  
Somter memorial hospital, room 67

"Lillie. We'll meet again. Good bye Gilbert." She said walking away, before Gilbert realized he'd never told her his name.

Gilbert looked to the night sky. His still burning lips, ever so slightly, tilted up as the last of his tears trailed down his cheeks.


	6. Stuffed Animal

Gilbert awoke to the sound of his phone vibrating under his head, the delicious smell of pancakes wafting through the apartment, and a missing Matthew.

He grabbed his phone and smiled at the irony. "Hi Lillie!" He exclaimed once he opened the phone.

"Good morning Gilbert." Lillie answered, her voice as quiet and calm as always. You could hear her brother, Vash, sighing unhappily in the background. "How are you?" She asked.

"Better than ever! How about you? How are you feeling?" He asked, happiness practically oozing from his very being.

"I have been getting much better. I even get to leave the hospital today. The doctors said I could go out for awhile. So I'm going shopping with my Big Brother!" She answered sweetly.

"Really! That's great Lillie! I'm going shopping too!" Gilbert said, honestly glad for his friend. She'd been confined to a hospital bed since the day she turned seven. Her older brother, Vash, was extremely over protective of her, as she was very fragile, but that never stopped Lillie from sneaking out every so often, much to Vash's chagrin.

Lillie giggled. "I know. I think Vash wants to get going before it gets too busy. Have fun with Matthew!" She said then hung up. She had a thing for not saying goodbye.

Gilbert smiled at the phone. It no longer bothered him that she seemed to already know what he was doing. He'd gotten used to it long ago.

"Who was that?" Matthew asked from the doorway, his violet eyes refusing to meet Gilbert's. He had a silver tray piled up with pancakes and a large bottle of maple syrup balanced on his head. (That's how I eat pancakes… Don't judge me!) Gilbert got up to help him, taking the tray from him.

"Just a really close friend of mine. She helped me when I thought that yo-... through a really hard time…" Matthew looked at Gilbert with a puzzled expression.

"Was he going to say something else?" Matthew thought, but quickly dismissed it in favor of his pancakes with syrup.

Gilbert looked at Matthew slyly. "Why?" Matthew squeaked. "Are you jealous?" Gilbert teased.

Matthew's face turned a bright scarlet and he looked away to hide it. "N- no! Not at all!" He yelled a little too loudly. Suddenly Gilbert was on his back tickling him. "Aaaah! St- stop!" He laughed, rolling over so Gilbert was tickling his stomach, making him laugh harder.

"Not until you admit you're jealous!" Gilbert yelled joyfully.

"Never!"

Gilbert smirked and pinned Matthew's hands above his head with one hand and caressed the smaller male's face with his other. Their laughing died down and Gilbert pressed his forehead against Matthew's, smiling. Matthew's eyes were soft and unguarded as they stared directly into Gilbert's red. Matthew's face turned bright red and his eyes darted to the left before he leaned up and kissed Gilbert in the cheek.  
"So... shopping?"

…

"How can you not like it?"

Matthews eye twitched. "How can you like it in the first place?"

"It's trendy."

"It's weird."

"What would you know?"

"I know it's weird. Now take that stupid zebra thing off. You look ridiculous." Matthew said. Gilbert pouted. He was dressed in an absolutely ludicrous hoodie. The offending clothing was zebra striped and the hood was made to look like an actual zebra head. It even had a tail on the bottom hem.

"You're so mean." Gilbert mumbled, unzipping the jacket and putting it back on the rack.

Matthew actually had had a pretty successful day in the clothing department. Most of it was due to Gilbert. He had prevented Matthew from buying anything brown, tan, red (He had like sixteen red t-shirts!) or anything that had 'jean' like material. So far Matthew had gained a red hoodie (he argued that the red one looked better than the bright green one… and might have cried a little.) Four different colored t- shirts, four matching long sleeved shirts, and new brightly colored socks. The only thing bothering Matthew was that Gilbert refused to let him pay for any of it, so he had secretly begun looking for something to give to Gilbert to repay him… and he was NOT getting that atrocious hoodie. But that also meant he had nothing and they were planning on leaving soon.

Out of nowhere his hand was grasped and he was tugged violently from the store.

"Gilbert? What's wrong?" He asked, trying to keep pace with Gilbert's rapid pace.

"That kid that tried to rape you the other day was there." Gilbert answered lowly.

"Mathias?" Matthew asked, a sinking hollow feeling settling in the pit of his stomach. He looked behind him, but couldn't see him.

Gilbert abruptly stopped. "I don't think I can ever forgive him for even thinking about touching you." Gilbert said, his voice low, almost a growl. He put a hand to his forehead, covering his eyes. "That's the first time he's done something like that? Right?" He asked, not turning around, but squeezing Matthew's hand tighter. For some reason Matthew couldn't lie. He tugged his sleeve lower on the arm that Gilbert was holding.

"No. Usually it’s worse." Matthew answered looking down. Gilbert's whole body went completely rigid.

"How much worse?" Gilbert asked through clenched teeth. Matthew didn't think be a good idea to answer Gilbert, so he quickly tried to look for a distraction. His eyes lit up when they landed on a certain store.

"Oh, hey! A toy store. I haven't been in one of those in ages. C'mon!" He said with mock enthusiasm. He pulled Gilbert into the child infested store. Gilbert stayed stiff and uncharacteristically quiet while walking around. Matthew did everything to get him to respond: He talked to him, shook him, even hugged him, but Gilbert remained far away.

Then Matthew found it. A perfect present for Gilbert. He picked the object up and quickly purchased it while Gilbert was staring at something else.

He walked back to Gilbert and cleared his throat to get his attention. Gilbert raised an eyebrow at Matthew, who was jumping up and down with glee, his smile close to bursting. Matthew thrust his closed hands forward into Gilbert's. "Here." He said smiling. "I got you something to cheer you up."

Gilbert stared at the small stuffed yellow chick in his hands for a few moments before his shoulders relaxed. He grabbed Matthew's hands and pulled him forward and rested his forehead against Matthew's, closing his ruby eyes. "Thank you." He whispered.

Matthew blushed and he looked down at their intertwined hands, the chicks feathers poking through their fingers. They stayed locked in that perfect moment, not caring about the young children running around their legs or gawking at the two teens.

Gilbert sighed, his red eyes opening again. "Sorry for spacing out like that. It's just the thought of someone touching you like that…" Gilbert looked away unable to finish the sentence.

"Hey. I don't have to worry about that anymore with you around, do I?" Matthew joked, touching Gilbert's pale cheek, getting Gilbert to look him in the eyes.

Gilbert smiled and came forward, planting a small kiss on Matthew's forehead.

…

It was when they were sitting on a bench in the food court when Matthew asked Gilbert a question.

"Hey, Gilbert?" Gilbert looked at Matthew and tilted his head to the left to show that he was listening. Matthew gulped. "Y- you act like… We've met before... like we've been... in lo-" he sighed, frustrated. "A relationship. I was in an accident and lost my memory. Were we? Did we... have something?… did we?" Gilbert froze, his smile gone. He stared at Matthew with wide red eyes. "Date I mean?" Matthew finished, fidgeting, looking away.

Gilbert's heart jumped. He knew that Matthew didn't remember him, or what they had together, but he also knew that there was some part of Matthew that did. This proved it.This was that chance. He opened his mouth.

"Mattie? Is that you?"

…

Mathias blinked in confusion. He could have sworn he'd seen Matthew, but now he saw no one. He shook his head and looked back down at the magazines.

He was mindlessly flipping through one when something pressed against his back and a head appeared on his shoulder. His face turned dark red when he recognized him.

"N- N- Nikolas?' He stuttered. Nikolas' eyes flitted to his then back to the magazine rack. Mathias kept staring a Nikolas, taking this chance to study him up close. He noticed that Nikolas was really pale. Like really pale. A sickly pale. Mathias could see that Nikolas had dark circles under his eyes, and he could feel him shaking against him. "Are you feeling alright?" Mathias asked.

"Why?" Nikolas asked, not looking at him.

Mathias was confused with the question. "Because you look sick." He answered bluntly.

Nikolas rolled his icy eyes. "I meant, why do you care?" He asked, getting off of Mathias' shoulder and moved to stand in front of him.

Mathias felt his face get warmer. "Well… uh… I don't know! I just wanna make sure that you're okay! Is that a crime?" Mathias ended up shouting a Nikolas.

Nikolas looked shocked for a second before smirking and taking a step forward, latching his arms around Mathias' neck. He leaned forward and spoke right against Mathias's lips. "No." He whispered. Just as he was about to close the distance, Mathias pulled back blushing.

"No offense, but I don't wanna kiss you." Nikolas's eyes flashed. Mathias quickly explained. "I'm more than 90 percent positive that you're sick. You might be contagious, and I hate being sick."

Nikolas rolled his eyes and let go. Mathias felt sad at the loss of Nikolas' touch, so without thinking he reached out and grabbed Nikolas' hand. Nikolas looked at their interlocked hands and Mathias only waited, not looking at Nikolas or their hands. Nikolas stared at their hands for what felt like forever before an almost unnoticeable smile tugged at the corners of his lips and his hand tightened around Mathias', making Mathias smile and blush a heavenly red.

They walked from store to store, never letting go of each other. Mathias tried to ignore the fact that the more they walked, the worse Nikolas looked, but Nikolas wasn't complaining so he let it drop. Ten minutes later Nikolas stopped walking.

"Um. Nikolas? Are you okay?' Mathias asked, taking Nikolas' face in his hands. He was burning up.

Nikolas kept his head down and was even paler than before and he was shaking violently. "M- Mathias? I- I'm cold." Nikolas shuddered then swayed. Mathias shot his arms out and caught Nikolas.

"I knew you were sick." He said half dragging Nikolas to a bench. Once he got Nikolas into a sitting position, he got Nikolas' coat off. Then he moved to get his scarf off. When he put his hand on it, Nikolas grabbed his wrist weakly. Mathias looked into his hazy blue eyes. "Nikolas?"

Nikolas shook his head. "N- no. Don't take the scarf off." He whispered, his voice hoarse.

"Why?" Mathias asked.

Nikolas didn't answer, choosing instead to lean into Mathias, putting his head onto Mathias' chest, closing his eyes. Mathias stroked Nikolas' blonde hair, trying to think of a reason to why Nikolas had always had the scarf on, and why not take it off.

He'd have to ask Nikolas when he woke up.


	7. Smile

"Oh Ivan! Hi!" Matthew said standing to greet the large boy that was walking toward Gilbert and himself. Ivan had chin length blonde, almost white hair. He had a childish smile on his face and playful purple eyes. Gilbert immediately didn't like him.

Gilbert remained sitting while the boy ran forward and captured Matthew in a bear hug, making Gilbert's hands clench. Ivan completely covered Matthew's small body with his huge one. They talked for a moment before Matthew brought Ivan over to introduce the two.

"Gilbert, this is Ivan. Ivan this is Gilbert." Matthew explained, gesturing to each boy respectfully. Gilbert stood to shake Ivan's hand and noticed that Ivan was a good two feet taller and much wider than himself. He put out his hand and shook Ivan's large hand, never breaking eye contact with the other boy. Ivan smiled and squeezed Gilbert's hand tightly, and Gilbert had to hide a wince. Instead he also smiled back and squeezed, taking pleasure in the way Ivan's smile faltered, even if it was just a little.

"Hello!" Gilbert said forcefully. "I'm Gilbert Beilschmidt."

"Ivan Braginski. Matvey's friend." Ivan said. Gilbert's eyes darkened. He didn't like the way that Ivan had said the word friend. They let go of each other and Gilbert easily slipped his arm around Matthew's waist, settling his hand Matthew's slim hip, trying to ignore the fact that he could feel Matthew's hip bone through his sweater. Gilbert looked up at Ivan and smirked when he saw Ivan's eyes flash. Ivan didn't say anything, but instead took Matthew thin hand. Gilbert felt his chest tighten with possessiveness.

"Come Matvey! Let's go to the ice cream shop! I'll buy you something, da?" Ivan said pulling Matthew forward, but Matthew dug his heels into the ground.

"Oh, thank you, but Gilbert already got me some." Matthew said, taking his hand back from Ivan. Ivan turned and shot Gilbert a glare that could have made puppies jump into volcanoes. Gilbert only smiled innocently and gave a little wave with the hand that wasn't on Matthew's hip.

"Actually, we were just on our way back to Matthew's place." Gilbert said, tightening his hand on Matthew's hip, bringing him closer against him.

"You can come with us if you'd like!" Matthew spoke up, much to Gilbert's chagrin. Ivan's face brightened and he smiled that child- like smile again.

"I think I shall!" He glanced at Gilbert. "I would definitely like to get to know Gilbert a little more, hm?" Ivan said, unsuccessfully hiding the sarcasm dripping in his voice.

As they walked out of the mall, Ivan and Gilbert kept shooting dark looks behind Matthew's back, while Matthew remained blissfully unaware, walking happily out of the front entrance, thinking of the best day he'd ever had… or could remember happening.

…

Nikolas woke with a start. His heart was pounding against his ribcage, and cold sweat trickled down his back and face making him shiver. The dreams kept getting worse and more vivid. He looked around the unfamiliar bed room, reaching up to touch his scarf, only to find that it wasn't there. His labored breath caught and he looked around for it wildly. Not finding it anywhere in the huge room, he decided he would have to get up and look for it. He stood from the comfortable bed and grabbed the white sheet, and wrapped around himself, being sure to cover his neck. All that showed was the top of his head, his blonde hair all messed up from sleeping and falling in his face. He walked out of the room and found his way down the stairs. He walked around the large house, looking around every room, hoping to find either Mathias or his scarf. He hoped for the latter.

Nikolas rounded yet another corner and finally found what he was looking for. There, facing away from him, was Mathias fiddling with his pale yellow scarf. Nikolas felt a wave of anger wash over him. He spoke lowly, barely holding in his rage. "I thought I made it clear. I asked you not to touch my scarf."

Mathias visibly tensed, not daring to turn around. "I… I just wanted to know. I didn't know… It was so bad. I didn't think it was a big deal." Mathias said quietly. He sounded as though he'd been crying. Mathias turned around, his puffy eyes downcast and his cheeks tinted red, his long arm outstretched with the scarf in his hand. Nikolas' eyes flashed pure ice, making Mathias flinch.

Nikolas snatched the scarf out of Mathias' hand without saying a word and turned away, going back up the stairs.

Mathias sighed and rubbed the back of his head, feeling like the biggest idiot in the world. In the middle of berating himself, he made the decision to go and apologise, which he very rarely did, but this time he'd really screwed up. He approached his bedroom door and knocked. When he didn't hear anything, he hesitantly walked in, finding Nikolas still wrapped up in the sheet, holding the scarf in his hands, his legs over the side of the bed.

Mathias sighed and sat down next to Nikolas on the bed, their arms just barely touching.

"If… If you wanna talk, y…you can." Mathias said, not sure what to say in the tense silence. He glanced over at Nikolas, who was lightly tracing what were before hidden beneath the scarf. What should have remained hidden.

Scars. Thick, raised, and red scars encompassed his whole neck and ran down his collar, stopping only God knows where.

Nikolas laughed humorlessly. "If I had wanted to talk about it, I would have given you permission to take my scarf off." He said. His voice sounded rough.

Mathias turned fully to him and was shocked and speechless at what he saw. Nikolas' ice blue eyes were glistening with withheld tears. Before Mathias could think he reached out and touched Nikolas's face.

Nikolas closed his eyes and took a deep breath, leaning into Mathias' hand. "I cannot tell you why I have these scars, not yet." He whispered. "Because I'm not ready to reopen that wound. Not because I don't trust you Mathias." He added when he saw Mathias' hurt expression.

Mathias felt a wave of warmth wash over him when Nikolas said his name, and gently smiled from the feeling. He softly took the pale scarf out of Nikolas' hands and pushed the sheet off of Nikolas' shoulders. Mathias let his right hand lightly trace the red scar nearest Nikolas' collar bone, and leaned forward and lightly kissed it, eliciting a shiver from Nikolas, before he wrapped the pale yellow wool around Nikolas' neck loosely, once again hiding what should have never been revealed.

Mathias let his hands fall back into his lap, but before they got there, Nikolas caught Mathias' hands in his own. Mathias looked up at Nikolas with confusion, then slight fear when he saw a devious glint in Nikolas' icy stare.

"I'm still mad at you for taking it off." He explained, playing with Mathias' fingers almost absentmindedly. Mathias gulped then yelped, then he suddenly found himself on his back with a smirking Nikolas hovering above him. Mathias blushed heavily as he tried to stutter out excuses and apologies.

Nikolas chuckled at those feeble attempts and leaned down, catching Mathias' chapped lips with his own warm ones. Mathias remained frozen in shock, before he closed his eyes and kissed Nikolas back, wrapping his arms around Nikolas's neck, pulling him flush against himself. Nikolas buried his hands in Mathias' hair, before separating for breath. Mathias lifted Nikolas and turned them over, so he was the one on top. When he separated, he smiled down at Nikolas. Then Nikolas did something Mathias had never seen him do before. Ever.

Nikolas smiled. A real genuine smile. Not one of those "I'm laughing at you because you're such a child" smile. A smile that melted away the ice in his eyes, and left only a pool of blue water. Mathias' breath was taken away and his heart skipped a beat. The smile made him feel special, important. Like he actually mattered to someone. He loved Nikolas' smile.

It made him beautiful.


	8. You Lied

To say that it was awkward when the three of them entered the apartment was the understatement of the century. Gilbert, Matthew, and Ivan sat on the couch in that order not saying a single word. Ivan and Gilbert wouldn't even look at each other, and neither of them seemed to notice Matthew's uncomfortable fidgeting. Matthew couldn't take it anymore.

"Why don't we make lunch together?" He said jumping off the couch. The two boys' heads whipped to look at Matthew, draining his burst of confidence. "Y-you know… c-cause I haven't eaten…. yet." His voice seemed to get smaller and smaller, and his cheeks were turning a new shade of red, making Gilbert's heart ache in the best of ways. Gilbert's eyes softened and he stood and took Matthew's hand.

"Sure. Lunch sounds nice." He said, smiling. Not to be out done, Ivan stood as well, also smiling kindly.

"I already ate. But I'm okay with helping Matvey make his lunch." Ivan said, putting a hand on Matthew's soft blonde hair. Gilbert and Ivan stared each other down, neither relinquishing their grip on poor Matthew.

"W-well… L- Let's go then." Matthew said quietly, moving away from both boys. He didn't look back as he walked into the kitchen. If he had, he would have noticed that the other two were elbowing and trying to trip each other in order to get into the kitchen first. "I was thinking we could just eat sandwiches… Is that okay with you Gilbert?" Matthew asked getting the bread and all the other things needed to make a simple ham and cheese.

"Yeah!" Gilbert shouted back happily, making Ivan glare at him. Matthew reached for the plates on the highest shelf but couldn't quite reach. He huffed and crossed his arms over his small chest, and prepared to climb onto the counter. Gilbert laughed silently, came forward, placed a hand on Matthew's hip and reached up to grab the white plates. Matthew blushed when he felt Gilbert's torso against his back. Something about it felt natural. Gilbert brought his arm down with two plates in hand and placed them gently in front of Matthew, taking the opportunity so softly kiss the back of Matthew's head, making the shorter boy go even redder. Gilbert grinned when he felt Matthew press back against him, even if it was just a little bit.

Matthew turned his head around and looked confused for a second. "Where did Ivan go?" He asked, looking up at Gilbert, who was already looking intently down at him. "Gilbert?" Matthew whispered. He felt so vulnerable, so small, when Gilbert looked at him like that, with searing eyes and that soft smile, but he didn't care. He found that he liked it…. Maybe a little too much.

Matthew blinked, and mentally shook himself. He didn't know Gilbert that well… But even now Matthew was doubting that fact himself. The way Gilbert acted around him was so casual. Ever since the day that he had "met" Gilbert, he had this unshakable feeling that he knew him… from before. Matthew felt that he'd seen Gilbert, spoke to Gilbert, felt Gilbert… He just had to remember.

His head throbbed as though it was trying to dig up something, anything. He felt frustratingly close to something, but he just couldn't grasp that which was just out of reach.

"W-we should eat." Matthew said, his voice was thin and a little shaky. He rubbed his head. Gilbert blinked, then took a step back, seeming to fall out of some sort of trance. Matthew tried to ignore the way his heart fell a little when Gilbert stepped away.

"Yeah. We should." Gilbert said, his voice lacking its usual tone. Gilbert turned away, shaking his head. He was sure that Matthew had remembered. Something had changed right then. Gilbert sighed and massaged his head. He felt so close. 

Something inside Matthew shattered, and his stomach lept. He was so close to a breakthrough he could feel it. His head pounded in anticipation. He rushed forward and hugged Gilbert from behind, making the taller boy freeze. "Birdie?" Matthew's eyes snapped open.

That name. Birdie.

"Birrrdddieee!" Eight year old boy whined, reaching for his hand.

Matthew hugged Gilbert tighter. That voice rang throughout his head, slicing through the wall that had kept it captive. His head felt as though an ice pick was being driven through it. Gilbert. Tears sprung to Matthew's eyes. Gilbert. He began to shake. Gilbert. Images flooded Matthew's mind. Images of him and Gilbert.

They were thirteen. They stood in a field, hand in hand, laughing.

They were five. They ate ice cream from the same bowl.

They were fourteen. Gilbert had him against a wall, kissing him fiercely.

They were two. Gilbert was pulling Matthew's hair.

They were thirteen. Gilbert touched Matthew's pale cheek. "I think I lo… love you."

They were four. They walked through the preschool together, hand in hand.

They were twelve. Gilbert held Matthew as he cried. "I'll never leave you. I'll always be here. I promise Birdie."

They were fourteen. Matthew watched as Gilbert drove away, his car packed with all of his things. "You lied. You… lied." Matthew whispered.

Matthew gasped when he felt an ice cold hand on his cheek. He had somehow ended up on the ground with Gilbert's arms around him. "Birdie?" Gilbert gulped. "Please say something." He whispered. His eyes were shining and were filled with concern. Matthew's eyes widened.

"Y-you lied… You said you'd never leave me…" Matthew choked out. Tears spilled from Gilbert's eyes. "You promised."

"I'm so sorry." Gilbert whispered shaking his head. "I'm sorry Mattie."

Matthew put his shaking hand on Gilbert's wet cheek. "I forgive you. You're here now, after four years." He put his head on Gilbert's chest and inhaled his scent. Leathery but earthy at the same time. Oh, how he missed it. "You won't leave again?"

"No. Never. Not again. I couldn't stand it." Gilbert whispered, rocking Matthew. His heart was going to burst. He remembered him. Finally, he had his little Birdie, and no one could take him away now. Not even God. "I'm never going to leave you again." He cried. He looked down to his Birdie. Matthew looked like an angel. His eyes were a little red from crying and his face was pale, but he was beautiful just the same. He was Matthew. His Birdie. Matthew let out a little laugh. "What?"

"I can remember you… but only you. It's sort of bittersweet." Matthew said, almost to himself. "Gil?"

Gilbert felt warmth spread through him at the nickname that only his mother and Matthew were allowed to use. "Yes?" He couldn't stop touching Matthew's face. Matthew took Gilbert's hand with his own.

"I just remembered something else... I love you."

…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ivan goes... poof!


	9. Icelandic Food

Gilbert gasped. So long. For so long Gilbert had wanted to hear those three little words again. How his heart ached those four years, just to touch Matthew, but to hear those words again… He never even dreamed of it. Ever since the day he was told that Matthew had lost his memories of him, his papa, everything, he couldn't help but accept the fact that Matthew would never say those three hallowed words he wanted to hear the most.

"Gil?" Matthew whispered, concern etched on his beautiful, precious face. The albino hadn't moved a muscle since Matthew had spoken. His ruby eyes had glazed over and he seemed to be in some kind of trance. Matthew put his arms around Gilbert's neck and pulled himself up into a sitting position. He put his thin hands on either side of Gilbert's pale face and bit the inside of his lip, thinking. Gilbert didn't even seem to be breathing. Matthew put his forehead against Gilbert's. "Gilbert?" He breathed. He was getting really worried.

Matthew stood to go call Bella to see if she could give any advice on how to help someone who was in shock. When he took a step away, he felt a hand grip his wrist. His head whipped around to find Gilbert staring at him intensely, his eyes dark with need.

Violet met scarlet and it was like someone flipped a switch. Gilbert pulled Matthew back down to him and, with a little squeak, Matthew landed on top of Gilbert, a smile on his face that could light up Hell. Gilbert wrapped his arms around Matthew's shoulders, as Matthew hooked his arms around Gilbert's neck. They looked at each other for a split second before their lips crashed together. Matthew moaned softly and twisted his fingers in Gilbert's short white hair.

Gilbert slid his tongue along Matthew's lower lip, begging for entrance, which Matthew more than happily gave. Gilbert explored Matthew's mouth, familiarizing himself with it again. Matthew still tasted the same; maple syrup and pancakes. They separated for much needed oxygen, and Gilbert practically devoured Matthew's neck, leaving deep red marks on Matthew's soft white skin.

Gilbert's hands had trouble staying still. They were roaming all over Matthew's body. They brushed his over his sides, stroked his thighs, and caressed his neck. He would never get enough of Matthew.

"Love you…" Gilbert said between his kisses. "Love you so much." He breathed. Matthew's already pounding heart fluttered with unbound joy. Matthew wrapped his legs around Gilbert's torso and their lips found each other's once again. Their tongues danced together, neither of them getting enough.

Matthew tugged at the bottom of Gilbert's shirt. Gilbert seemed to get the message and he lifted the blue shirt over his head, shivering as the cold air hit his bare chest and back. He didn't stay cold for long though. Matthew slid his warm hands up and down Gilbert's smooth muscled chest, eliciting gasps and moans of pleasure from Gilbert.

Gilbert tried to do the same thing with Matthew's shirt, but every time Gilbert reached for the hem, Matthew would knock his hands away. On the third try Matthew, again, knocked his hands away.

"N-no." He said. Matthew opened his eyes and tapped their foreheads together, his breathing labored.

"Why?" Gilbert almost whined, also opening his eyes to look into his lovers.

Matthew placed his hands on Gilbert's neck. "Just… No." He breathed. "Please."

Gilbert reached up and brushed a stray piece of hair out of Matthew's eyes, his eyes still puzzled. Matthew closed his eyes and silently begged Gilbert not to ask again.

"Okay."

Matthew's eyes snapped open. "W-What?" He stuttered. Gilbert smiled.

"I said okay."

Matthew couldn't help but smile back. Gilbert's smile had always been infectious. Gilbert went to kiss Matthew again, but Matthew's stomach had different plans. It growled loudly and Matthew's face turned beet red as Gilbert laughed hysterically.

"I guess we should eat, huh?" Gilbert asked, once done with laughing, patting Matthew's stomach. He stood and helped a still very red Matthew up. Gilbert was again forced to pay no mind to how light Matthew was.

"Y-Yeah…"

…

Nikolas unlocked the door to his small house and was immediately greeted with sounds of his parents laughing along with his little brother, Emil. He sighed and took his coat and shoes off, leaving his scarf on, but untying it, so the thick scars peeked through the top of his collar.

"Lukas? Is that you?" His mother called from the dining room, using his middle name instead of his first.

"Yeah." He answered walking into the dining room.

His mother smiled up at him. "You're home late. Where were you? I was starting to worry."

"I was at the mall." He answered simply. His mother seemed content with that and she turned back to her food. Nikolas walked into the kitchen and got some of the skyr* his mother had made, even though he hated Icelandic food. It wasn't like he was actually going to eat it anyway. He brought it to the table and sat next to Emil, who, for a twelve year old, was quite serious and quiet. Emil gave his brother a curt nod in greeting and in return Nikolas gave him a tiny smile.

Emil and Nikolas were only half -brothers. Before Nikolas was born, his mother had an affair with another man while away on a business trip. When the man found out that he had gotten Nikolas's mother pregnant, he actually stayed with her and took care of her for nine months, until Nikolas was born. Then his mother had to go said she had to go back home, where her husband was waiting. There was a nasty fight over who would get Nikolas, and in the end his mother had won. And as anyone could guess, her husband wasn't all too thrilled when she came home with a newborn son that wasn't his. Five years later came his child Emil. Amos made it painfully obvious he didn't like Nikolas. He'd made his mother call him Lukas, because Nikolas was "the other man's name," and he wanted no reminders of his wife's infidelity. He had... done things to Nikolas to prove that he meant nothing, was nothing. But he was stuck with Nikolas. And Nikolas was looking more and more like his real father every day, adding fuel to the fire.

"You were at the mall… for seven hours?" Amos asked, his pale eyes searching Nikolas'. Nikolas gulped. Of course that excuse wouldn't be good enough for him. But it had to be.

Nikolas' eyes flashed up to Amos for a second, then back down in submission. "Yes." He replied. Emil's blue eyes slid to look sideways at his brother. He noticed the clip that usually kept Nikolas's hair back was missing. His father narrowed his eyes, and Nikolas' heart pounded, but didn't say anything, for which Emil was glad.

The family sat in tense silence, the only sounds were coming from the scraping of forks against plates. Nikolas stood abruptly.

"I have homework." He said bluntly leaving the room.

"But you haven't touched your food!" His mother called after him.

"He hates Icelandic food." Emil stated, taking both plates to the sink. He turned to the fridge and took out a chocolate bar.

"Then the little bastard can starve!" His father shouted.

"Amos!" His mother shouted.

Emil didn't hear the rest of the soon to be argument. Those seemed to be happening a lot lately. He stood in front of his big brother.

Nikolas faced his closed bedroom door, his head down and his fists clenched. He was shaking. Emil touched his shoulder. Nikolas took a deep breath and turned toward his brother, his eyes shining with fear. Emil stepped forward and wrapped his small arms around Nikolas' torso. Soon he felt Nikolas shaking more violently and grasping onto him for dear life as he tried to suppress the overwhelming terror he felt. 

Hopefully nothing would happen tonight.


	10. Lo...Love

"You should go to bed, Emil." Nikolas said from his spot on the floor. He sat cross- legged on his blue carpeted floor, his homework and student council work mixed and spread all around him. He had changed out of his high collared dress shirt and tight, but not too tight, black jeans in favor of his soft black plaid pajamas and dark blue hoodie, his scarf neatly folded on his dresser.

"Your clip is missing." Emil said, completely out of the blue, making Nikolas pause for only a moment.

"I didn't wear it today." Nikolas said back, packing up his work, not looking his little brother in the eyes.

"Your father gave it to you… And you wear it every day… and you have OCD… and-"

"Okay, fine!" Nikolas snapped. There was an awkward strained silence.

"Sooo… where were you then?" Emil broke it.

"I started out at the mall, but I got sick and fainted, so Mathias, you know him right?" Emil nodded urging his brother on. He and Nikolas' real father were the only two that knew of Nikolas' crush. And Emil was the only other one who knew that Nikolas had contact with his birth-father. A few years ago, while Amos and their mother were out, a mysterious man came to the house and introduced himself as Nikolas, and arranged for his son to video chat him whenever they wanted, as long as his mother didn't find out. The father and son had even gone out together a few times on father son outings. When Nikolas had met Emil, he immediately liked him and treated him as though his son and Emil were full brothers. They hadn't lost contact since and he only lived a few miles away.

"Well he brought me to his house and… Nikolas took a deep breath. "And he took off my scarf."

Emil's once expressionless face morphed into one of shock. "Did you tell him?"

"No. But now he knows about the scars." Nikolas said quietly, subconsciously touching his sensitive neck, his hand traveling down until it touched his stomach.

Emil thought it best to change the subject before Nikolas could start having flashbacks. "You never told me why you like Mathias so much." He said quietly, as if trying not to startle Nikolas. Nikolas shook his head.

A soft smile crept to his lips. "Mathias… Mathias always has a smile on his face, which doesn't necessarily mean that he's happy, but even when he's not, he never fails to smile. I envy and love that about him. I also found it adorable how he tried to get my attention, but always thought he failed, when in reality it only made me like him more and more. But when he suddenly stopped and moved onto Mattie, I realized that I had to make my move, or lose him forever… so I did." Nikolas snickered. "He really was bad at kissing… but tonight, he seemed so confident, so sure of himself even though he was embarrassed."

Emil smiled. He hadn't seen his brother so animated, so… alive in a long, long time. Nikolas sighed and flopped onto his bed.

"Do you like anyone Emil?" Nikolas asked, a sly edge to his voice as if he already knew. Emil's face went red and he got very flustered.

"No! Th- there's… NO!" He shouted. Nikolas raised an eyebrow and Emil looked down at his crossed legs. "F-fine. There is someone." He mumbled.

"Who's the unlucky guy?" Nikolas asked.

"How did you know it was a guy?!"

"You just told me." Nikolas said smirking. Emil sat on his bed, his mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. Then he huffed and face planted into his pillow.

Nikolas laughed, reaching for his lamp. "Good night brother."

Emil only hummed, his thoughts filling with a certain Asian boy.

…

Gilbert stared at Matthew's sleeping face, softly pulling his fingers through Matthew's curly blonde hair. Matthew sighed happily in his sleep, snuggling further into Gilbert's chest. Gilbert smiled gently, bringing up his arm so it wrapped around Matthew's waist, pulling him closer into his bare chest. Gilbert had decided that it was too much effort to put his shirt back on after he took it off, and Matthew didn't complain, so he kept it off.

The rest of their day was spent hugging, kissing, talking, and just enjoying each other's company, which they so desperately needed. Now they laid in Matthew's bed, their legs tangled and Matthew asleep on Gilbert shoulder.

Gilbert still really wanted to know why Matthew wanted to keep his hoodie on, even though he had a horrible suspicion, but he also didn't want to scare Matthew or pressure him to do something he didn't want to talk about.

Besides it was enough, for now, just to lay with Matthew and revel in the fact that he had his little Birdie back in his arms which had been empty for far too long… But he vowed to find out one day, but when Matthew was good and ready.

Gilbert intertwined his hand with Matthew's and fell into a peaceful sleep.

…

Matthew lay on top of a hill, the thirteen year old boy wearing a short sleeve red t-shirt with khaki shorts and no shoes on, as it was so hot and humid outside, and Matthew preferred the cold. His hair was tied up with a golden tie that… someone had given him. He couldn't remember who.

He sighed and put his arms behind his head, his violet eyes getting tired. He closed them and sighed again. It had been a pretty good day, from what he could remember, except he hadn't seen Gilbert, his best friend, all day, and that made him more depressed than he'd like to admit. Matthew had been having strange feeling towards his albino friend for the past few months, and it scared him.

Like whenever Gilbert would touch him, his face would flush and his whole body would get warm. And whenever Gilbert would talk to him, his heart would pound in his chest, sometimes painfully hard. Matthew couldn't figure out what was going on with him. It was almost like he loved Gilbert…

Wait.

Matthew's eyes snapped open. "Oh no…" He thought to himself. "I love Gilbert." Then a warm bubbly feeling sprang up in his chest and spread throughout his whole body and a giddy laugh escaped his lips. He closed his eyes again, a stupid smile on his face and a pink blush adorned his cheeks. He reveled in his self made happiness for what felt like an eternity when he felt someone card their fingers through his hair. He startled a bit, but calmed when he saw that it was none other than Gilbert himself.

Gilbert smiled down at him, making Matthew's heart thrum. He smiled back and closed his eyes once more, feeling the warmth of Gilbert's hand in his hair lay claim to his body. When he was on the edge of sleep, he felt something rough brush over his lips.

His eyes sprung open and he squeaked when he saw how close Gilbert's face was to his own. A million thoughts ran through Matthew's mind; 'did Gilbert just kiss me?! What am I supposed to do? Why is he just staring at me?!' Gilbert's red piercing eyes looked down at Matthew. They were filled with emotion he'd never seen on anyone before. Need, fear, adoration. And on top of that: Love.

Suddenly Gilbert got off of Matthew and brought his legs up to his chest and buried his face into his knees. Matthew sat up as well, but couldn't find anything to say.

"Sorry." Gilbert mumbled into his legs. Matthew locked his gaze onto Gilbert's back. "I… please don't hate me Birdie." He said miserably.

Matthew's eyes saddened and he crawled up to Gilbert and put his hand on Gilbert's shaking shoulder. "Gil? Look at me?" He asked, gently turning Gilbert towards him. Gilbert looked at him, tears in his eyes. Matthew smiled kindly before leaning forward and lightly placed a kiss on Gilbert's chapped lips, and pulled away. "I could never hate you." He cupped Gilbert's face with his warm hands. "Ever."

Gilbert grinned and lunged at Matthew, engulfing him in a hug. "Mattie… I think… That I lo- love you." Gilbert said in his ear, making Matthew's heart beat madly in his chest and a tender warmth spread throughout his body once more. Matthew hummed and nuzzled into Gilbert's neck. He had always loved the way that Gilbert smelled; leather and a hint of vanilla. Gilbert backed away and palm up to Matthew's flushed cheek. He leaned forward and kissed Matthew again. It was quick and chaste, but beautiful.

…

Matthew opened his eyes. He was lying in a bed. A plastic breathing mask covering his mouth. Every breath sent fire down his spine. His head was pounding and groggy. People were screaming and yelling. Questions floated to the top of his murky pool of thoughts.

'Where am I? How did I get here? Who am I?'

"Oh! You're awake!" Matthew startled at the voice to his right. A women with brown hair and green eyes appeared above him. Then her face changed into that of his fathers.

"IT'S YOUR FAULT!"

Matthew cupped his ears with his trembling hands, trying to block out the acidic words and accusations. His father kept shouting and blood poured out of his head and arms. He began to shake violently and then his eyes snapped open.

He looked around the dark room. He was completely alone. His phone blinked beside him, the line dead. He felt tears fall down his cheeks. 

Matthew opened his eyes and gasped as he tried to calm his rapidly beating heart and ragged breathing. His eyes landed on Gilbert's and he was soon gathered into a tight embrace. Tears fell down his face as he pushed Gilbert away and, ignoring Gilbert's hurt expression, got off the bed and wandered into the bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind him. He opened the cupboard under the sink and searched for his something with blurry eyes.

He was alone. It was his fault. It was his fault. It was his fault. It was his fault.


	11. Broke My Big Brother

Gilbert tried the silver doorknob again, and again was met with nothing. Matthew had been in the bathroom for over three hours, and all Gilbert could do was stand outside of it, with his forehead against the door, begging for Matthew to talk to him, come out, anything to ease the pain clawing at his chest. He was about to knock on the door again, but as he brought his hand up, the door suddenly opened, and there stood Matthew, his violet eyes bloodshot and puffy, and his face scarily pale and he was squinting because he didn't have his glasses.

Gilbert took in his Birdie's appearance. He was wearing his hoodie again, although it was incredibly wrinkled, as though it had been on the ground for a long amount of time, which was true. Matthew's curly hair was flat and without life. He had his hands hidden within the single pocket of the bright hoodie, but Gilbert could see them writhing and wringing nervously beneath the red fabric. Matthew looked up at Gilbert and let out a single sniffle. At that, Gilbert's heart melted and his eyes softened. He opened his pale, but strong arms out to Matthew.

Without taking his hands out of the pocket, Matthew leaned forward into Gilbert's awaiting arms, relief flooding through his veins. He snuggled his face into his lover’s chest, and drank in the warmth that Gilbert's arms encircling him brought. Gilbert kissed the top of Matthew's head and tried to ignore the sharp iron scent that wafted from the open bathroom door, and the fact that Matthew was shivering uncontrollably. Instead he hoisted Matthew off his feet, only to put him atop his own. Matthew glanced up curiously, and Gilbert just smiled sweetly back before waddling towards the white couch in the living room, his arms never leaving Matthew's body.

Light had begun to filter through the white curtains as the sun rose up higher and higher into the light blue sky. When Gilbert had made it to the couch, he again lifted Matthew up, sat on the couch, and put Matthew down on his lap, Matthew's legs on either side of his hips. Again he was forced to ignore how lite Matthew was. He looked at Matthew's face once more, and saw that he was close to tears again his violet eyes shining.

He pulled Matthew down into his chest, and held him tighter when he felt the new tears wet his shirt and tighter still as harsh unbridled sobs reverberated around the small room, making Gilbert's heart shatter and break into millions of pieces.

...

Nikolas tightened the scarf around his neck as he stepped into the chilly morning air. He had finished all of the chores his step father had given him earlier than he expected. He supposed that Emil had a little part in that, what with helping him with them and all... well until a stoic Asian boy came to the house and practically kidnapped the boy, barely letting the kid put his shoes on.

Nikolas smirked, happy that his brother had found someone, seeing as Emil, like himself, had trouble making friends.

Nikolas stuffed his hands into his pockets. 'The idiot had to choose the park... it's freezing.' Nikolas thought to himself. The two boys had planned to meet there the night before, as Nikolas was leaving. Matthias had chosen the park, and wouldn't go anywhere else even though it was the middle of December, and probably the coldest day they had had this year.

Nikolas trudged on, grumbling the whole way about the idiotic Dane he had fallen for.

...

Leon placed a hand on Emil's waist as they hastily made their way to Leon's house. Emil blushed a bit, but didn't say anything, or push him off like he usually did, and Leon smiled triumphantly.

He would have Emil yet.

...

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING TO MY BROTHER!?"

Both Gilbert and Matthew jolted awake, slamming their heads against each others, and groaning in pain simultaneously clutching at their foreheads. Suddenly Matthew wasn't on top of Gilbert, where he had fallen asleep, but on the white chair... on the other side of the room.

Finally snapping out of his grogginess and pain, Matthew saw a blurry figure with short blonde hair and the back of a bomber jacket standing protectively in front of him. Gilbert had gotten into a sitting position and was glaring at the unwelcome intruder.

"Alfred." Matthew groaned, getting up and standing in front of his younger brother.

"Mattie! Why were you... what were you... who is this kid?" Alfred finally got out, glaring at Gilbert over Matthew's shoulder.

"What you don't remember me Alfie?" Gilbert asked, standing next to Matthew, putting an arm around the others too thin waist.

Alfred stared at Gilbert's arm, then his face, then his blue eyes widened in realization, and the color drained from his face. His eyes darkened dangerously. "You." He growled, stepping forward and getting in between Gilbert and Matthew.

"Al-" Matthew said quietly.

"You. How DARE you come back here... Do you even know what you did?" He grabbed Gilbert's collar, getting into the Albinos face. Gilbert narrowed his eyes. "You think you can just come back and take my twin brother back, after what you did to him? Well think again, you bastard."

"Alfred!" Matthew begged, tugging at his brother’s arm to no avail.

Alfred shook Matthew off easily. "No, Mattie!" He yelled. He turned back to Gilbert. "You hurt my brother! Did you know he didn't talk to anyone for months? Not even to papa! MONTHS! And it's your fault. He locked himself in his dark room and hardly ate anything... he had to go to the hospital all the time because we found him half dead all the time from starving, and you’re the one to blame. The only time he spoke was when you called!” Alfred’s voice broke. “You broke my big brother, and now you think you can just waltz back into his life like nothing’s happened? Well in his mind you probably don't exist, but I remember. I remember that you broke his heart!"

"Alfred... please... I remember him..." Matthew said quietly.

Alfred's eyes widened as he whipped his head around to look at his brother. "What? You do?" When Matthew nodded, Alfred's gaze snapped back to Gilbert. Then he growled and dragged Gilbert to the front door where he practically threw him and his shoes out before slamming the door and locking it, not listening to Matthew's protests.

Matthew yelled in frustration. He knew that if he went to Gilbert, his brother would probably kill the Albino, so he had to stay put. "Why are you here, Alfred?" He asked. His brother hardly ever came home... there were too many memories for him, even without any pictures.

Alfred combed his hand through his hair, trying to calm himself down. He took a deep breath before looking straight into his brother's eyes. "Dad wants to see you."

Matthew went pale. This couldn’t end well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DUN DUN DUUUNNNN


	12. Feel Again

"Are you sure you're alright?" Mathias asked for the sixth time that day. He and Nikolas were taking a pleasant stroll through the park, holding hands and sharing warmth on this bitter cold day. Mathias still wasn't convinced that Nikolas felt better from yesterday, emotionally or physically. The stoic boy still looked pale and he shook slightly even though he swore he was warm despite the freezing weather. And Mathias could tell that Nikolas was more guarded around him than he had been before, as if Nikolas was waiting for Mathias to ask the forbidden question. But Mathias wouldn't ask until he knew that Nikolas could trust him, totally and completely.

"Yes." Nikolas answered bluntly. He was getting tired of being asked about his well- being. He was just a little dizzy, nauseous, had a small headache, and he was freezing. But other than that he was fine. He buried his face in his yellow scarf and breathed out, trying to warm his numb face.

Mathias glanced at him dubiously, not even coming close to believing him, but he didn't want to risk making Nikolas mad , so he brought up another subject. "Do you have any siblings?"

Nikolas gave him a questioning look. "Why?" He asked.

"Well. We don't really know each other all that well, even though we have been in the same class for eleven years. I thought we could take this time we have together to bond..." Mathias trailed off, realizing how girlie he sounded.

Nikolas rolled his ice blue eyes. "You're such a girl." He snorted. Mathias blushed but smiled, making Nikolas' heart flutter. He coughed a little, looking away to hide his reddening face. "I have a little brother. Well half- brother." He said, his voice scratchy from the surge of emotion he had just unexpectedly felt.

Mathias eyed him questioningly. "Half- brother?"

Nikolas looked down while explaining, finding the ground more comfortable to stare at, rather than Mathias' expecting face. "We have the same mother. We live with her and his father." He said, not hiding the resentment in his voice. "My father fought for me, but since he was single with a low income, the court gave me to my mother. But... even then I felt like an object my mother had won, instead of a son whom she loved. My father treats me like a son, and always has." Nikolas said, trailing off.

"Do you not like your mother then?" Mathias asked gently, not wanting to step into rooms that didn't have the door open to him. Nikolas looked to the blue sky, and Mathias felt his breath catch. The sun had caught Nikolas' face perfectly, the sun making his once dull eyes bright and his blonde hair like an angelic halo, his pale skin seemed to sparkle. Mathias gulped and tore his gaze away, his face blazing.

Nikolas didn't seem to notice this, and sighed, looking down again and in the same motion Mathias was reminded that Nikolas wasn't an angel, but a human being, with worries and fears probably far greater than his own.

"My mom... I suppose she's okay... she has trouble loving, I guess. I think it is because she loved my father, but won't admit it to herself. She barely looks me in the eye anymore, because I look like him, too much like him. It scares her I think." He took a deep breathe. His eyes seemed to have gone far away. He's in his own world. "I think it scares my step- father too. That's why he refuses to love me the right way, to look at me like his own son." Nikolas' voice cracked with what Mathias mistook for sadness, and Mathias see's it.

It's only a glimpse, but it's enough.

Nikolas doesn't love himself, or even like himself. He's broken inside. Shattered. He just wants love, but Mathias knows and Nikolas knows that you have to love yourself before you love someone else, or that love wouldn't be true. You'd just be telling yourself more lies, trying to make yourself feel better.

"What about you?" Nikolas suddenly asked, his mask of boredom and uncaring back in place, but now Mathias knows it is just that. A mask. Mathias shakes his head and had to remind himself what they were talking about.

"My parents are always away on business or something. I can live on my own, but I don't particularly enjoy being alone, so I like to stay with my cousin at his house. The closest thing I have to a brother is my cousin Berwald. But he doesn't really appreciate my sense of humor, and he's hard to understand, so we don't really talk much." Mathias explained shrugging, like he didn't really care. "Oh! But his little husband that lives with us is nice though. And cute."

A spike of jealousy coursed through Nikolas, and he glared at Mathias who smiled cheekily. "To bad I already have this huge crush on someone even cuter." He said taking Nikolas' hand, which had somehow slipped out of his during their previous conversation, and put his head against Nikolas' temple. A rosy blush exploded on Nikolas' face and Mathias laughed, but then whispered. "And a lot more beautiful."

"Sh- shut up..." Nikolas mumbled, not really wanting him to. No one had ever called him cute, even when he was little. He was much too serious for a tike. But beautiful? Nikolas had a hard time believing Mathias. "Any other questions?" Nikolas asked after a few beats of silence. He would never admit it to Mathias, but he had liked talking about his family, even if it was a little. It felt like a weight had been lifted from his chest, making it easier to breathe. Mathias put a finger to his chin, thinking.

"Ooh, I've got a good one!" He exclaimed. Nikolas glanced at Mathias, waiting. "What's your favorite color?" Nikolas stopped short, raising an eyebrow.

"Really?" He asked monotonously, not impressed. Mathias gave him a goofy smile in return and Nikolas sighed. "Yellow."

Mathias looked shocked. "What?" Nikolas asked.

"I don't know. You look more like a guy who likes the color blue." He said rubbing the back of his head.

This went on for hours. By the time they were out of questions, Mathias felt like he knew more about Nikolas, but still didn't know him at all. Nikolas liked fairytale and fantasy books. He didn't watch much T.V, but he never passed up the opportunity to sit back and watch a good movie (usually fantasy or sci- fi). He had read all of the Harry Potter books at least seven times, his favorite food was white rice, his brothers name was Emil Steilson, while he kept Bondevik, he sees his birth father about once every few weeks and that Emil had met him. Nikolas told him that his father had green eyes instead of his sharp icy blue. But Mathias favorite thing he learned was what Nikolas' laughter sounded like.

It was light and airy and so carefree, but it was fleeting and didn't last long. So Mathias had gotten him to laugh a lot, which actually wasn't that hard when he tried. But when he wasn't laughing, Nikolas seemed to have a smile stuck on his face, and Mathias treasured that too.

"What?" Nikolas asked, and Mathias realized he had been staring.

Mathias smiled gently. "Your smile. It's beautiful. You should do it more." Mathias said softly. He relished in the pretty blush that took the paleness of Nikolas' face.

"I don't really have a reason to." Nikolas said looking away. Mathias frowned. He stopped walking and pulled Nikolas to him. He wrapped his strong arms around Nikolas' small waist. Nikolas looked up at him, his eyes wide and wondering, like a newborn's. Mathias put his forehead against Nikolas' and smiled.

"Then make me that reason. I'll happily be it." He whispered. He leaned down to a bewildered Nikolas and put his mouth on Nikolas' open one, placing a gentle hand on the back of Nikolas' head. Nikolas stiffened but soon melted into the kiss, grasping at Mathias's red coat, trying to bring him closer, so much closer. Their tongues fought for dominance, which Nikolas finally gave Mathias. He tasted every corner of Nikolas' mouth, relishing in the way it tasted, and that it was all his.

They separated for much needed oxygen and Nikolas put his head on the other boys shoulder and closed his eyes.

"Thank you." He whispered.

...

Matthew looked out the window, brushing a hand through his hair and wouldn't stop fidgeting. So many emotions rushed through him haphazardly, without a course.

Guilt for not going after Gilbert as soon as Alfred had kicked him out, even following him to make sure he left the neighborhood, although Matthew was sure that Gilbert lived in it. But he wasn't going to tell Alfred that.

Worry. Partly for Gilbert. He hadn't gotten the chance to ask if he had gotten home okay. Mostly for himself. His father, Arthur Bonnefoy- Kirkland, hadn't wanted to see Matthew for over three years. Ever since the accident, that Matthew doesn't even remember, killed his husband. He blamed Matthew for it. It was easier than blaming his dead lover, especially since Matthew had lost his memory. And what was worse was that the more Matthew was told that it was his fault, the more he believed it. He was the reason that Arthur was a single father. It was his fault.

And Alfred wasn't easing the worry, because he refused to tell Matthew what Arthur was coming to tell him, what he wanted with him, but Alfred did promise that it wasn't bad, and that's all Matthew had to ease his worry.

Maybe a little hopeful. The only family member that ever came to see him at the house was his twin brother Alfred, and Matthew could tell that going from two houses of two people he loved was starting to wear on Alfred. That and Alfred wasn't always the best company. He was loud and obnoxious, and a complete idiot, but he was trying his best to play the middleman. Every week he went back and forth between houses trying a few times to get Matthew and Arthur together, but all those attempts failed, because one or the other didn't want that to happen. Those meetings usually ended in yelling matches between father and son, mostly on Arthur's part. Matthew held onto the little hope that this time would be different. They would make up. Maybe.

Doubtful.

"When will he be here?" Matthew asked Alfred who was sitting on the couch lazily, watching T.V, a bag of chips in one hand and in the other a coke.

"He said he'd be here by nine. I think he said he had to go out before he got here." Alfred said, never taking his eyes off the flashing images on the television. Matthew mussed up his hair again. Alfred sighed. "You'll be fine. Trust me. He wasn't angry or sad even when he was telling me. It was like he was asking permission to come talk to you. It was really weird." Alfred said, giving Matthew a reassuring glance.

Matthew worried even more.

.

About an hour later that boys heard the doorbell ring loudly and Matthew visibly tensed. Alfred smiled encouragingly and gestured to the door. He wanted this to work just as much as Matthew. Matthew sighed and walked stiffly to the white door, and placed his hand on the doorknob tentatively.

So many things could go wrong. Matthew could say one wrong word, reminding Arthur of something unknowingly and the visit would end in shambles, in words they both would end up regretting the next day, but couldn't take back.

New words would be scarred and embedded into Matthew's arms and legs.

Matthew closed his eyes and steeled himself. He opened them and pulled the door open.

Arthur had choppy, wild blonde hair and wide emerald eyes that were the most clear Matthew had seen in awhile. He wore a white collared shirt with a black vest with a sensible pair of jeans. Matthew was reminded just how young Arthur actually was. In his arms he held a box of pancake mix with a white bow tied clumsily around it. Arthur coughed awkwardly and Matthew realized he hadn't said anything, but instead had just been staring at his father.

"Oh... uh... C-come in." Matthew stuttered, moving out of the way so Arthur could pass. Arthur hesitantly held out the pancake mix, which Matthew took with a small thanks.

"Oh. Hello Alfred." Arthur said seeming more comfortable with his younger son there in the stark white living room. Alfred, instead of being his usual happy- go- lucky self, shot Arthur a dark look. The teen stood and came face to face with his shorter father.

"Don't mess this up. I can't keep doing this. I want us to be a family again." He said, desperation in his low voice. Arthur nodded, feeling a chill go down his spine at Alfred's eyes. Alfred looked almost fearful. And Arthur knew. Alfred couldn't do this anymore. First his papa died, then his twin brother, his best friend, was in a three month coma, and then lost all of his memories of them together, of them even being brothers. Then Arthur had to go and make everything worse when Matthew did wake up. He had immediately blamed Matthew, his eldest, and could barely look at him. And all this time Alfred had to remain stronger than all of it. He had to play mediator. No one had asked him if he was okay. It was always the other way around. No one even asked how Alfred felt. Alfred was always completely alone.

This had to work.

"Oh. And Gilbert's back." He muttered, going back to sit on the couch again. Arthur's green eyes widened. That boy... that boy had destroyed Matthew when he left. Arthur remembered that day. Matthew wouldn't leave his room for weeks. There was a constant sound of sobbing resonating around the house. Always. It was torture to listen to his 14 year old son cry like his heart had been ripped out. Because in a way, it had been. The only one able to get to Matthew was Francis. They had been very close. And Matthew remembered none of that.

And Arthur felt terrible. He knew in the back of his mind that Matthew wasn't to blame, but it was just easier to blame than to accept. And now Matthew probably would never trust Arthur, his own father, and Arthur couldn't blame him. Not anymore. And Arthur also couldn't do this to Alfred anymore. He was beginning to look rundown and tired as of late. And again he had no one to blame but himself.

Matthew joined them a few moments later, showed Arthur to a seat, and an extremely tense and awkward silence followed. No one knew what to say. Alfred looked expectantly at their father.

Arthur coughed. "W-well, Matthew..." He started. "U-uh..." He cringed. He couldn't even start a conversation with his own son. So he took in Matthew's appearance instead.

He wore a red hoodie and sweatpants. His pale blonde hair had grown to be past his chin and fell in delicate curls. Arthur couldn't help but think he looked just like Francis, even though the boys had been adopted. He was paler and skinnier than Arthur remembered. Much much skinnier. His clothes were baggy and loose for a boy Matthew's height and build. This worried Arthur.

"- you dad?"

Arthur blinked and shook his head. "Wh- what?" He asked looking at Matthew.

Matthew suppressed a smile. His father had a tendency to zone out. "I was just asking how you have been." Matthew said again.

The question took Arthur off guard. He was expecting Matthew to be angry with him. Not cordial. "I- I'm well. Thank you." Arthur cleared his throat. "And you son?" A burst of warmth spread through Matthew and Arthur. It had been a long time since that word had been used between the two of them.

"I'm..." Matthew hesitated. "I suppose I'm well too." He said, seeming to change his mind.

Arthur quirked his eyebrow, questioning the hesitation in Matthew's answer. Another silence. "I suppose you are wondering why I suddenly decided to come here?" Matthew nodded once. "I..." Tears pricked at Arthur's eyes. "I'm so, so sorry Mattie." His voice cracked and tears streamed down his cheeks taking Matthew and Alfred by surprise. "You... I was such an idiot. Such a stupid fool. You are my son... not someone to blame for something that couldn't have been your fault. You mean so much to me, and I threw it away, because I was sad, and... and..." Matthew ran to his father and hugged him. The older man sobbed loudly into Matthew's shoulder. "Please Mattie... please give me another chance at being the father you deserve. Please?" Arthur cried.

Matthew nodded and held his father closer. "THANK GOD!" Alfred yelled and joined in on the family hug. Alfred’s broken family had a chance to become whole again.

He could finally feel again.

...

A disgruntled Gilbert trudged home, kicking poor defenseless snow with his black boots. Stupid Alfred. Ruining everything. Like always. Alfred and Gilbert had never gotten along very well. They fought over everything when they were younger, especially Matthew as Alfred was very overprotective of his twin brother, and secretly Matthew was protective of Alfred too. Gilbert huffed.

"I just hope my Birdie's okay." He said to himself.

"GET OFF OF ME, BASTARD!" (A/N: You know what's coming :D) An extremely familiar voice yelled out, shaking Gilbert from his Matthew filled thoughts.

"Awww... But Loviiiii~" An even more familiar voice whined. Gilbert smiled widely and ran in the direction of the voices. His smile grew when he saw the scene in front of him.

Two boys, both brunette, looked as if they were playing. One had a large smile was hugging a shorter scowling one, although a smile tugged at the corner of his lips, and his face was asking to the color of a tomato.

The two of them looked and acted completely the same. Gilbert came out of the corner and coughed, making the smiling one open his green, green eyes and look at him. They widened in shock, then happiness. "Gilbert?" He asked, his voice tainted with a spanish accent.

"Hey, Antonio."


	13. Gilbert, Gilbert, Gilbert

Arthur soon came to the realization that Matthew had almost no food in his tiny refrigerator. The only things in the white cabinets and cupboards were white bowls and plates, a good amount of them looked brand new.

"Mattie?" He called, rubbing his head in confusion. A few seconds later Matthew waddled into the kitchen, a white blanket wrapped around his shoulders. "Were you asleep?" Arthur asked. Matthew nodded, rubbing his eye like he was six years old again. It struck Arthur then and there how much of Matthew and Alfred's life he had missed, be it from work or purposefully and regretfully ignoring his eldest son due to grief. Matthew had grown up; taller than him and maybe even Alfred, although he was much lankier and very thin. There was a certain sadness instilled in Matthew that shouldn't be present in someone as young as him, or anyone for that matter. "Sorry for waking you, but do you, um, have any food?" He asked awkwardly.

Matthew looked equally confused. "Yeah." He shuffled to the refrigerator and reopened it. "I have… maple syrup?" He scratched his head. "I could have sworn that I had more." He muttered.

"Maple syrup?" Arthur asked. Matthew gave him a look.

"Food."

Arthur’s face reddened. "Oh. Yes… of course." He stood at the refrigerator with his son. "When was the last time you went food shopping?"

Matthew's gaze turned far away. "I… don't really remember… Was it last week? Two weeks, maybe three?" Matthew looked to his father, and Arthur's heart shattered. Desperation laced Matthew's face as he tried to remember. Then Arthur's eyes dulled and he put his hand on top of Matthew's blonde hair. Matthew closed his eyes and put his head on Arthur's shoulder. Arthur's mind went back to the time when Matthew was still in the hospital. He recalled that the doctor had said Matthew had severe amnesia and brain damage and would suffer from major memory lapses. He could forget to do the simplest things. Like eat. Alfred had told him a few weeks ago that when he had gone to visit Matthew that Matthew had completely forgotten who Alfred was, just like the first time Alfred had come to visit brother at the hospital. Alfred was so devastated that he wouldn't come out of his room for three days. Not even to use the bathroom. It was worse when Matthew was tired.

Matthew pulled away. "I guess I'll just have to make pancakes for dinner then." He said quietly, looking around for that mix that Arthur had brought, forgetting where he had put it. Arthur put a hand on Matthew's shoulder.

"I'll do it." He said gently. Matthew sighed but nodded and walked out of the kitchen and back to his room, passing Alfred in the hallway.

"Dad's making dinner." He mumbled, shutting the door to his room. Alfred stood blinking, trying to decide what to do. Comfort Matthew, who seemed to be down, or try and rescue dinner before it was too late. He decided on the latter when he heard cursing already emanating from the kitchen.

.

Matthew stood with his back to the door, staring at his stark white room. The white helped him remember, it helped him forget. Something caught his eye. Something that was in complete contrast with the white. Something black. He took it in his hands and shook it out. He smiled softly.

"Gilbert's jacket" He said to himself. He held it to his nose and breathed in the familiar scent of the person he had fallen in love with. Memories flashed behind his eyes. Gilbert sleeping in class, his face serene and peaceful, Gilbert smiling, laughing. Gilbert kissing him on his cheek, his face red and smile bright. Gilbert, Gilbert, Gilbert.

"Why can I only remember you?" Matthew whispered into the fabric. He curled up on his bed, the coat still pressed against his face, and was lulled to sleep by his only memories.

…

"And then Alfred kicked me out of Birdie's house in nothing but a tank top. I'm freezing." Gilbert concluded, rubbing his arms briskly.

Antonio, Gilbert, and Lovino had gone to a local coffee shop to catch up, and Gilbert had ended up telling them what had happened that morning, leaving out Matthew's breakdown.

Antonio smiled and sipped his hot chocolate, lazily slinging his arm around Lovino's shoulders. "I'm just glad you are back amigo! School was getting boring and Bella's getting more and more worried about little Mattie. It was…" Antonio's smile fell. "… A hard few years for all of us." Lovino frowned and grabbed Antonio's hand. Antonio smiled at him gratefully and squeezed Lovino's smaller hand.

Gilbert looked into his coffee. "I wish I could have been there for his funeral… for everything. He was like a father to me." His grip tightened on his cup.

"You couldn't." Antonio said, his voice rough. "Fran…" He swallowed. "He would have understood." Gilbert closed his eyes. "Besides…" His green eyes flashed with dangerous anger….. "He wouldn't have allowed you to come." He spat. Gilbert opened his eyes.

"Please." Gilbert clenched his hands. "Don't bring that man up."

Antonio looked down, guilty. "Sorry amigo."

"Damn!" Lovino said suddenly. "You guys are depressing." He stood up, binging Antonio with him. "You guys haven't seen each other in what? Four years? You should be talking about what's happening now, not what happened back then because guess what?! It's over!" He exclaimed.

Gilbert and Antonio stared at Lovino until he started to fidget nervously. Then Gilbert began to laugh and Antonio soon followed. "You're right Lovi!" Antonio laughed hugging Lovino, who blushed furiously. Gilbert perked up.

"Oh! Did I mention that Matthew remembered me? Like everything?"

The couple stopped hugging, and blinked at Gilbert.

"… WHAT!"

…

"So this is why you brought me to the park even though it's like below twelve degrees." Nikolas said, tucking his bangs behind his ear. He and Mathias stood at the entrance to a gigantic carnival. The boy next to him was bouncing up and down with excitement.

"Yeah! My parents thought that they were a waste of time, so I've never been to one!" Mathias yelled. Nikolas smiled softly and tugged Mathias forward.

"Let's go then." He said monotonously, trying to hide a small smile on his face.

.

Mathias looked around, his eyes excited and twinkling. He and Nikolas had already gone on about half of the rides, and Nikolas' head pounded and his stomach churned, but he couldn't bring himself to tell Mathias, who looked like he was having the time of his life. So he just ground his teeth and bared it.

"Oooh!" Mathias exclaimed, pointing at a large rather loopy roller coaster. Nikolas almost vomited looking at it. "Let's go Nikolas!" He pulled Nikolas closer to the ride, but Nikolas dug his heels into the ground. Mathias looked back at him, concerned. "What's wrong?"

Nikolas put a hand on his head. "Nothing." He gestured to a bench. "You go ahead. I'm going to sit for a while." He said sitting. Mathias' face fell marginally, but he turned around and left nonetheless. Nikolas sighed to himself and closed his eyes, trying to block out the noises of the people and rides. He was asleep in seconds.


	14. Baby Brother

Matthew awoke to someone knocking on his bedroom door, a sound he was not accustomed to due to years of living alone. Even when Alfred visited, he left Matthew to his own devices, or just barged in, so he wondered who would be knocking. He grumbled and breathed in the scent of Gilbert's coat once more, letting the memories wash over him, before hiding it under his pillow. He put his frameless glasses on and answered his door.

A blonde, messy haired man stood patiently, with a small, smug smile on his pale face, a white apron, or what used to be a white apron, tied over his black button up shirt. The apron was covered in unidentifiable stains and burns, some of which were still smoking. The man's smile dropped when he saw Matthew who looked pale and his eyes were far away. The man reached out and touched Matthew's forehead. "Are you alright Mattie?" He asked, his voice concerned and just touched with an English accent.

Matthew flinched away from the hand, and immediately regretted it when the man frowned even further and looked away. Matthew kept his gaze on the man and when the man looked back a Matthew he balked. Matthew was looking at his like he might look at a stranger, which confused Matthew because he had never seen this man before. At least he didn't think he had. The man's eyes turned desperate and almost devastated. "Matthew?" He whispered, his voice cracking. Matthew wrinkled his eyebrows, trying to remember this man that obviously knew him. Matthew was concentrating so hard that he only vaguely saw Alfred walk up behind the man, but he kept his eyes locked on the man, who was looking right back.

"Mattie. It's our dad." Alfred said firmly. Matthew's eyes darted to Alfred, and they sparked with recognition at his brother, but clouded over again when they met his so called dads.

"Papa?" Matthew whispered, and the man's eyes closed and his heart panged.

"No. Mattie. No. It's daddy." Alfred said, sadness leaking into his voice. The man, Arthur, Matthew finally remembered, looked down, trying to ward off the bittersweet memories of his deceased husband and the pain of his sons lost gaze.

Pictures of Francis' smile, sensations of his arms around him, his lips everywhere flooded through Arthur's mind. Tears fell freely down his face and he buried it in his hands.

He felt two pairs of arms wrap around his front and back, and he found himself encased in a warm embrace with his two sons.

"I'm sorry daddy. I… That happens sometimes when I am tired. I'm sorry." Matthew mumbled, tightening his arms around Arthur. Alfred did the same from the back, but pulled away quickly, taking a deep breath to hide his crying.

"Let's go eat the Chinese dad bought!" He exclaimed before running away, wiping his eyes. Arthur groaned, wiping his eyes with his arm.

"That was supposed to be a secret Alfred!" He shouted down the hall, and then turned to face Matthew again. "Are you okay?"

Matthew smiled, albeit a little sad. "Yeah. It's all slowly coming back. Really slowly." He said, rubbing his neck. He sighed. "I don't think everything will come back, and obviously I forget things and people, even when I care about them… Except for-"Matthew stopped short when Arthur looked up sharply.

"Who?" Arthur said, already knowing the answer, but not wanting to accept it.

Matthew looked down and jerked his away before walking past Arthur and down the hallway. "Never mind."

…

Mathias and Nikolas walked towards the entrance of the park, their hands intertwined. Both had smiles plastered on their faces, even Nikolas.

After Mathias had come back from the roller coaster, he had sat quietly next to Nikolas until he had woken up, people watching. Nikolas had yelled at him for not waking him up. Mathias just laughed and led Nikolas around the park and had even gotten him to go on a few more rides.

Now they were on the way home. Nikolas looked ten times better after his nap even though he had slept on a bench and table, and his mood seemed to have improved greatly. Nikolas had an uncharacteristically large smile on his face, and his eyes shown with a childlike excitement. Mathias couldn't stop staring at him. The way the light from the park lit up his platinum hair and pale skin mesmerized him. He was captivated at the intensity of his blue eyes, more sky blue than icy for once. He even marveled at the pink scars that peaked out of Nikolas' scarf, which had become loose over the course of the night. The scars reminded Mathias that Nikolas was human, not some being that was not of this earth, that was only put there to tease and taunt him.

Nikolas abruptly stopped and Mathias realized that they were standing in front of a large gray house with dark blue shutters and dark windows. Nikolas' hand tightened slightly around Mathias' and Mathias frowned. All the light that had been there before was gone. His eyes were back to being completely withdrawn and cold, and his body seemed to curl in on itself, trying to look smaller.

"Well, I bett-"

"Sleep over at my house." Mathias cut Nikolas off. Nikolas blushed and closed his mouth. "Come on… Berwald will be there, and if he's there then you will probably meet Tino too!" Nikolas looked down, his hair falling over his eyes. Mathias sighed. "Please?"

"Fine." Nikolas said. His voice sounded oddly rough. Mathias gawked.

"Are you… crying?" Mathias asked softly, putting his hand on Nikolas' flushed cheek, trying to get Nikolas to look at him, but Nikolas refused to look up.

"N-No." He pulled away and walked towards his house. "Just let me get some clothes."

An idea struck Mathias, and he blushed softly. He grabbed Nikolas' hand and pulled him towards Mathias' own house.

"What are you doing?! Let me get my clothes!" Nikolas yelled. Mathias looked over his shoulder, and smiled wickedly.

"NOPE!"

…

Gilbert, Antonio, and Lovino walked through the cold streets, laughing and talking amiably. Even Lovino couldn't stop the smile that came to his face when Gilbert told a joke, or Antonio grabbed his hand.

"I am so glad you are back Gil. Everyone has been so down lately. It's about time that this town had a little fun!" Antonio shouted, putting his free arm around Gilbert's shoulder. " I wonder what the teachers are gonna do when they see you again." He mused.

A thought his Gilbert, and guilt coiled in his stomach for not asking sooner. "How… How's my baby brother?" He asked quietly.

Antonio's smile faltered, but only for a second, but it was Lovino who answered. " He kicked him out… wheel-chair and all." Fury flared in Gilbert's eyes and he swung back to look at Lovino, who put his arms up peacefully. "He's living with Feli and I. He's perfectly fine. He is more than fine in fact, because the potato eater is dating my brother. Never seen the potato bastard smile so much." Gilbert's scowl was replaced with a smile and his fury with relief. "Oh, yeah. And Ludwig's learning how to walk again."

Gilbert gasped and hugged Lovino who squawked in surprise. "Really? That's great." He exclaimed, a huge smile spreading across his face. He never thought that Ludwig would walk again after the 'accident'. He would tell his friends it was an accident, but he knew what really happened that day four years ago was never an accident. The only accident was that he, Ludwig, and his mother were still alive.


	15. Tino's Sick

Tino and Berwald sat together on the brown leather sofa, Tino between Berwald's legs.  
Berwald's arms were never not touching Tino. One was wrapped securely around Tino's waist, and the other was moving back and forth from Tino's soft hair and cold hands. Tino was always cold, and Berwald's hand was like a warm blanket that both his hands fit snuggly into.   
Tino had a red bandage on his right cheek and he was shivering despite Berwald's warmth and the four sweaters he had on. Even the fire did not warm him enough. Berwald wrapped Tino's shivering body in a third blanket. Tino smiled up at him thankfully as he snuggled into it.   
"D' ya need an'ther sweater?" Berwald asked, preparing himself to stand up to get one. Tino reached back and pulled Berwald back down, and after thinking for a moment, shook his head. "Ya s're?" Tino nodded and burrowed deeper into the blanket, and leaned further back into Berwald. Berwald could no longer feel Tino shivering, but he knew that it could start again at any moment. They were silent for another two minutes before Berwald started to get up again. "Did ya t'ke yer medicine?"  
Tino giggled and turned to Berwald. "Stop worrying Ber." Berwald just kept staring at him with a stony expression, seeing as his question was not answered. Tino sighed and flopped back down, bringing Berwald with him. "Yes. I took the medicine." Tino hated to be taken care of. He was perfectly capable of taking care of himself!  
Berwald turned Tino's face toward him, and his steely blue eyes softened before he smiled. Tino blushed a rosy pink, and his annoyance melted away. He would do anything to make Berwald smile.  
Tino's gaze shifted to the window that was just behind Berwald. It was pitch black out except for the white flecks illuminated by the fire light. Snow fell lightly on the frozen ground in Tino's heart ached. He wished to play in it again, like he did when he was a child, but he knew he could not.   
Berwald tightened his grip on Tino's waist and kissed his forehead. Tino sighed and put his head on Berwald's chest, breathing in Berwald's scent. Berwald brought Tino closer into his embrace and put his head on his lovers.   
Tino felt his eyes droop. He was always tired. He was about to pass through the gates of the land of dreams when the door burst open. Tino jumped so violently that he fell off the couch and onto his butt on the hardwood floor with a squeak.   
Berwald was suddenly standing, and in one fluid movement had Tino back on the couch, and his body guarding him, rigid and tall and facing the door. He immediately relaxed when he heard the loud and obnoxious of Mathias resounding in the halls. Tino suppressed a smile when Berwald rubbed his temples and sighed.   
Mathias entered the room, pulling a pale wide- eyed boy behind him. Their cheeks were flushed with the cold and the blonde boy was still wearing his scarf, despite not having a jacket on, or shoes.   
Mathias plopped down next to Tino, barely giving the fuming Berwald a second glance, and kept talking to the boy, who was looking more and more uncomfortable where he stood in the middle of the room. Tino peaked from behind Berwald, and took his time studying the boy.   
He had blonde hair chopped shorter in the back than the front, which stopped near his chin. It kept falling into his eyes no matter how many times he pushed it behind his ear. His eyes, like Berwald's, were steely blue, but the boys were wider and showed all his emotions. He wore a long sleeved blue shirt and tight black jeans. His socks were blue. And of course the yellowish scarf around his neck, which Tino found slightly odd. The boy was slender, if not skinny, with wide hips and small shoulders. In summary, he almost looked like a girl.   
Tino coughed, cutting off Mathias mid sentence. He blinked and Tino gestured to the boy and Mathias smiled. " Oh yeah! Um." He stood and grabbed the boys hand. "Nikolas, this is Tino and my cousin Berwald. Guys, this is Nikolas."  
Tino gasped and shot out of his seat, the blankets flying. "The Nikolas?" Nikolas gave Tino a strange look, to which Tino laughed. "Mathias wouldn't stop talking about you! I am surprised that I didn't recognize you from the way he is always describing you." Nikolas raised his eyebrow at Mathias, but he seemed to be suddenly interested in the floor, and his face was red all the way up to his scalp.   
Tino grabbed Nikolas' hand, and Nikolas almost recoiled. Tino's hand was freezing. Tino kept talking, but Nikolas was too busy staring at Tino's arm. His sweater sleeves had fallen down when he brought his arm up, and revealed his skin. Or lack there of.   
Multicolored bandages were lined up one after another, almost perfectly aligned. None of them were the same color. Not even the one on his cheek. Nikolas also began to notice how warm it was, now that the cold from being outside had worn off. It was stifling.   
Nikolas glanced at Mathias, who smiled almost sadly at Nikolas, then looked away. This confused Nikolas, but Tino had just asked him a question. "How old are you?"  
"Um, seventeen?" Nikolas mumbled, making it sound like a question.   
Tino giggled. "Are you sure?"  
Nikolas opened his mouth to respond when Mathias put a hand on Tino's shoulder and guided him back to the sofa. "C'mon Tino! Quit teasing him." He complained. Nikolas could be wrong, but Mathias didn't really have the same bravado he had had before. He grabbed Nikolas by the wrist and pulled him gently down the hall. "I'm going to get some pajamas for Nikolas. We will be right back."  
Both became cherry red when they heard Tino laugh in disbelief and mutter "sure you will." Mathias walked faster.   
The boys were silent while walking up the stairs, but Mathias could feel Nikolas burning a hole into his skull with his eyes. When they got to the top, Mathias let go of Nikolas' wrist and put his head against the wall. Nikolas waited. He took a deep breath.  
Nikolas softly touched Mathias' shoulder and turned him around. Mathias wouldn't meet his gaze. He took another breath and looked up into Nikolas' eyes, which were hauntingly beautiful in the dark.   
"Tino's sick." Mathias breathed out. Nikolas nodded, urging Mathias to go on. "He started out fine. He only had to go in for minor check ups and he was not as bad as he was when he was little, or in school, but... bu..." tears sprang to Mathias' eyes and he choked on his words. Nikolas grabbed Mathias' hand and brought it to his own face. He kissed his palm and was about to tell Mathias that he could stop, but he was cut off by someone behind him.   
"It's okay Mat... I can take it from here." Tino said coming forward and touching Mathias' arm. "Could you make us some cocoa?"   
Mathias took Nikolas' hand in his and kissed him quickly before dropping it and descended the stairs, sniffling the whole way. Tino smiled at Nikolas sadly.  
"C'mon. We can talk in my room."  
.  
Tino lead Nikolas to a bedroom that, Nikolas noticed, was just across from Mathias'. But when Tino opened the door, he was not expecting the hot air that blew against him. Tino's room was close to boiling. The bed was king sized and it looked extremely comfortable with the seven or eight blankets thrown across it. Sweaters and long sleeved shirts were spilling out of the wardrobe on the right side of the room.   
Tino padded to the bed, and wrapped himself up like a big burrito. He stuck his arm out, and patted the spot next to him. Nikolas sank onto the bed as far away as possible, being beyond uncomfortable.   
"So as Mathias was saying," Tino started. " I had some issues growing up. My heart couldn't seem to keep up with me. I would get sick easier than the other kids and was cold all the time, but nothing major." He paused and Nikolas nodded. "During middle school one day, I was getting stressed from all the classes and homework I was getting. That and I was bullied relentlessly. I collapsed, and was rushed to the hospital." Tino touched his chest. "They found out that I have an irregular heartbeat. The only difference in my condition was that some days it would go faster and some days slower. When I was fifteen, I got a pacemaker. Two months later I fainted again. My mother took me out of school, thinking that it was stress. After that we moved to America. The doctors here are trying, but they don't know what to do. They are taking test after test, but..." Tino trailed off, rubbing his bandage covered arm. He sighed. "The only difference is that I am twenty- one and I am getting sicker, albeit slowly. And of course I have Berwald. My heart will one day give out. My blood doesn't circulate properly, so I'm always cold. I can't go outside in the winter." He sighed and smiled. "But I will always have Berwald."  
Nikolas swallowed and looked away. "You're sick too, aren't you?" Tino asked, looking at the floor then at Nikolas. Nikolas breathed out, short and breathy. Tino smiled sadly. "If I show you mine, you show me yours?" Before Nikolas could answer, Tino lifted the sweaters over his head.   
A faded, but large scar was imprinted on his milky chest. Nikolas didn't know why he did it, it was like someone else was in control of his muscles. He, with shaking fingers and ragged breath, unwound his scarf and let it slip through his fingers and to the floor. "How..." Nikolas gulped. "How did you know?" He whispered.   
Tino's eyes trailed over the angry red and pink scars on his throat. "When you spend most of your life hiding scars, you get to know the signs of someone hiding them. Hiding their sickness."  
"But-" Nikolas tried to interrupt.  
"It may not be physical like mine." Tino said. He rolled up his sweat pants, revealing smaller scars. These were criss- crossing over one another, much older and faded, but there was just... so many." But you could be sick within yourself, in your mind and soul scarred and damaged. Be it awful memories or remembered pain. You are sick, somewhere deep within." Nikolas felt tears prick his eyes. He hadn't cried about his memories in a long time.   
"Why are you telling me this?" Nikolas gasped, trying to keep himself calm.   
"Because it's too much a burden to hold it inside yourself." Tino answered.   
Nikolas wanted to scream at Tino, wanted to punch him. He wanted to tell Tino that he didn't know him, wouldn't understand. But deep down, he knew Tino did. He knew him completely.  
"What happened Nikolas? Who did this to you?" Nikolas' face crumpled completely.  
He told Tino everything.  
...  
Sunlight filtered through the gossamer curtains, and a soft breeze flowed through an open window. A woman, her dark hair glinting in the light a purplish hue, hummed as she chopped the onions for the stew. A man, completely opposite in his looks as his hair was bright blonde, came and stood beside her. He was much older and his smile was wise.   
The woman smiled at him, and there, for only a second, was the same twinkle that the older man had, but it quickly diminished, and the smile melted.   
The old man was worried. The woman had been getting paler, and she often awoke in the middle of the night, only to run to the bathroom and vomit. She had gone to the hospital earlier, alone. Without the old man, and of course without her husband.   
She looked at the old man, a delicate hand was placed almost subconsciously on her lower stomach. She made a gesture with her hand, and the old man understood. He no longer smiled.   
He took hold of the girls hand, and enveloped her in a warm embrace. The girl tightened her arms around the man.  
Tears streamed down her face.   
.  
Gilbert woke with a small start. He had not had that dream in a while. Well it was more of a memory really. From when he didn't understand, when he refused to. When he let all things wrong fall on deaf ears and blind eyes.   
Before Ludwig was born.   
Only now did he understand why his mother cried then. She was scared that her husband would punish the baby again, as he did for him. Scared that Ludwig was going to have pale skin and red eyes. Scared that he would be so different that he could not possibly be his son.   
Gilbert sighed and rubbed his temples. Getting headaches were becoming more and more common for him. He knew how to deal with pain. He had been through worse.   
He sighed and checked the time. It was 1:39 in the morning, but he needed to see him. His birdie.   
... (A/N: WARNING: This part can be triggering. If you are not comfortable with blood, I would skip this part as well.)  
Matthew sat alone, in a white room with no windows and no doors. The room was completely dark, except for his exposed skin, from his waist up. It glowed in a ghostly light. He sat with his legs crossed on the floor, staring at his wrists. They were a perfect milky white. He looked up and into the darkness, and saw nothing. A sharp pain stabbed his wrists and slid sideways. He hissed and looked back down. A paper thin cut oozed blood. He watched as more identical cuts seemingly opened on his perfect skin.   
Ten. Fifteen. Twenty.  
Matthew took a shaky breath and blew it out. Blood pooled around his legs and it dripped from his hands. All he did was watch and breathe. He blinked.  
The blood was gone and the cuts became scars, off- white and blatant against luminescent skin. Another deep breath.   
Matthew closed his eyes. Something wet trickled down his forehead. It fell into his eyes and filled his mouth. It folded down his cheeks and onto his arms. He opened his eyes and all he could see was red. He could only see his own blood pouring down his face, soaking him in crimson. The pain intensified in his wrists. Cuts dug themselves into his arms. These cuts were for a different purpose. A purpose that he was too frightened to complete.   
Twenty. Thirty. Forty.   
They would not stop. Old scars reopened. Blood pooled once more and it filled the room. It came to his knees, then bubbled higher, staining him in crimson.   
His skin no longer glowed. He was becoming as dark as the room around him.   
Forty. Fifty. Sixty.  
Tears mixed with blood. It hurt so much.   
Sixty. Seventy. Eighty.  
Would he ever feel warmth in his fingers again?  
Eighty. Ninety. One hundred.  
In his heart?  
A painful light exploded into the room.  
In his mind?  
Matthew called out. Desperation stopped his words.  
In his blackened soul?  
A hand covered his mouth. The skin was white, and brighter than the moon. His body was wrapped in an embrace.   
The blood flowed away, afraid of the warmth. Who was this that stopped the waterfall of tears with his lips? That licked away the blood?  
Matthew called out again. This time his words were held captive by another mouth on his own. His wounds screamed as they succumbed to this unfamiliar warmth.   
His fingers were still cold. His soul was shattered. His heartbeat without rhythm.  
His mind was freed.   
...   
When Gilbert had left the house he bolted to Matthew's house. He marched right up to the front door and almost knocked before remembering what time it actually was.   
He was sure that Matthew, no matter how much he loved him, would not be happy about being woken up at 1:50 in the morning. And if Alfred was there, then he would get into even more trouble. So he did the sensible thing.   
He scaled the house and jumped through Matthew's unlocked window. Duh.  
Gilbert was reveling in his own awesomeness when he heard Matthew cry out, and then choke on his own words. He rushed to the sleeping boy, and put a hand on Matthew's mouth, not wanting him to alarm Alfred. Gilbert frowned. Matthew's face was contorted with pain and tears fell down his pale cheeks. Gilbert saw movement under the blanket and lifted it off Matthew, revealing his bare torso.   
Gilbert exhaled a short shaky breath. Matthews arms were covered, shoulder to palm, in scars, blood, cuts, and horrible words. He was rubbing and scratching his wrists, aggravating the freshest cuts, drawing blood. Gilbert gently took Matthews hand away from arm and straddled himself over Matthews body, giving him an awkward hug.   
Matthew physically responded. He gasped and he took handfulls of Gilbert's shirt into his sticky hands as he tried to pull himself closer. Gilbert shivered. Matthew's hands were freezing. Gilbert removed his hand that was covering Matthew's mouth and Matthew immediately called out again. This time Gilbert covered Matthew's mouth with his own, and the words were lost.   
Matthew completely relaxed and his grip on Gilbert loosened. His breathing evened and Gilbert sighed in relief.   
He rolled off Matthew and quickly pulled the sleeping boy close again. Matthew tangled their legs together and buried his face in Gilbert's chest.   
Gilbert hummed the same tune he heard in his dream. The melody had hummed in his childhood.   
...  
About an hour after Nikolas finished and dried his tears, Mathias came in with two cups of warm chocolate cocoa and his old attitude. He handed one to each of the puffy eyed men a mug and sat in between them. He was surprised when Nikolas leaned onto his shoulder, but he put his arm around Nikolas' waist anyway. He never thought that he would see Nikolas in such a vulnerable state, and in a weird way, he felt honored.   
After drinking their cocoa, Nikolas asked for some pajamas. Mathias grinned and pulled Nikolas into his own room, while Tino went to wash the mugs.   
He couldn't stop smiling.   
"What are you smiling about?" Nikolas huffed, picking up the clip that he had left the last time he was here, and putting it in his hair.   
"Oh, nothing..." Mathias laughed, handing Nikolas one of his old shirts that he knew wouldn't fit Nikolas. Then he walked out of the room and waited impatiently outside. A few minutes later Nikolas called from inside, giving Mathias permission to enter.  
Mathias opened the door, and froze. Nikolas was blushing like mad. The shirt only came mid thigh, and it hung off his pale shoulder. But, strangely, that wasn't why Mathias froze.   
Nikolas had not put his scarf back on. The scars extended to his shoulder and stopped and the bit of chest Mathias could see was also scarred. This also was not why Mathias froze.   
He froze because Nikolas was trying to hold back tears. His eyes watered and he frowned deeply. Mathias surged forward and kissed Nikolas hard on the lips, then pulled away. "Do not cry. Please? You are beautiful. You are perfect." He trailed kisses down Nikolas' neck in between each word. Mathias kissed Nikolas' shoulder and grasped his waist, pushing Nikolas onto the bed. He knelt before Nikolas and made him look at him. He cupped his cheek and Nikolas leaned into his touch.   
"You are mine."   
Nikolas leaned down and caught Mathias in a kiss, and he, for the first time, gave up control. Mathias dominated the kiss and pushed Nikolas into the bed so he was laying on top of a writhing Nikolas. He used one hand to slide it up and down Nikolas sides and chest, making both of them gasp and moan. Mathias lifted his other hand and threaded it through Nikolas' hair. Nikolas moaned wantonly when Mathias separated from him, panting. He looked down onto Nikolas and he knew he had to stop. Nikolas' eyes were full of want and need, but Mathias knew it was only because he was confused and angry and desperate for something to love him. He took a deep breath to get back into control. Nikolas whined again and it almost broke Mathias' heart. He looked softly down at Nikolas.   
"No, love. No." He whispered.   
"Why?" Nikolas cried. He tried to shift his hips, but Mathias held them down. Mathias put his head against Nikolas' own, and closed his eyes.   
"You don't want this Nikolas. Not yet. One day. But not like this." He said gently.   
Nikolas began convulsing as shattered sobs overcame his body. Mathias held him tightly, muffling the sound with his chest. Nikolas screamed and wailed cried like a child until he passed out from exhaustion, and still Mathias held him.   
...  
Matthew woke up feeling warmer than he ever remembered being. Something warm and damp was touching his right arm repetitively. He opened his eyes slowly and blinked the tiredness out of them. His vision was still blurry from not having his glasses, but he recognized the figure next to him on his bed.   
"Gilbert?" He mumbled. Gilbert gave Matthew a small smile, then went back to work... dabbing a wet cloth on his arm.... which was bare.... and red.   
"Gilbert!" He shouted and tried to tear his arm away, but Gilbert held on to in tightly. Without saying anything, Gilbert kept working. Matthew placed his glasses on his face and looked at Gilbert's face. It held no expression but concentration. The tension built until Matthew couldn't take the silence any longer.   
"Gilbert?" He said uneasily. "Please look at me..." he whispered.   
Gilbert lifted his eyes from Matthew's arm and looked right at him and Matthew could say nothing. Gilbert sighed and put Matthew's arm down, but kept hold of Matthew's hand.   
"I am, Birdie."  
Guilt pooled in Matthew's stomach and tears gathered in the corner of his lilac eyes. "Gil... I'm sorry...." he sniffed. "I am so sorry.... you told me to take care of myself.... and I couldn't. I'm sorry...." Matthew cried miserably. Gilbert gripped Matthews hand harder. He, with feather light touches, trailed his hand up Matthew's arm and brought himself forward until he was almost on top of Matthew. He kissed him slowly, gently, sweetly. When he broke away, he finally spoke.  
"No more, liebling. No more of this." He touched Matthew's arm. "No more, because you will talk to me, and I will always listen and I will always, always love you, Matthew."   
Matthew smiled through his tears and hugged Gilbert tightly, nodding. "And I lo-"  
"GOOOOOOD MORNING MATTIE!!!!!" Alfred's voice blared through the door.   
Matthew squeaked and pushed Gilbert off of him so hard that Gilbert landed flat on the floor, getting hidden by Matthew's bed. Matthew grabbed his blanket, and quickly wrapped it completely around himself, hiding himself just as Alfred slammed open the door. He was fully dressed in a captain America hoodie and jeans.  
"I'm making a breakfast run! Whatdoyawant?" He said so quickly that only someone like Arthur or Matthew could understand.   
"Pan-" Matthew started, but Alfred interrupted.   
"McDonald's it is!!"   
Then he was gone. Matthew blinked then laughed. His brother was.... something. Gilbert popped his head up and stared at Matthew before smiling mischieviously. "Birdie?" Matthew stopped laughing and looked Gilbert in question. "D'ya wanna get outta here before he gets back with that."  
Matthew smiled then nodded before pulling on a familiar dark blue hoodie he had left there the day before. Gilbert shivered. He had always liked it when Matthew wore his clothes. "Isn't that mine?"  
Matthew smiled teasingly. "I don't remember." Then he ran to the window and was about to climb into the tree when Gilbert grabbed Matthew's hand and kissed it softly. Matthew smiled with a pink blush then climbed out the window with Gilbert close behind.   
As soon as their feet hit the ground, they were running.


	16. Pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS CHAPTER IS GRAPHIC! PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO SEXUAL VIOLENCE!!

Matthew and Gilbert ran until they couldn't breathe and their legs burned. Matthew's violet eyes were practically glowing with happiness and something akin to mischief. His mouth was set in a wide grin that could melt the heart of a wicked beast. His cheeks were bright cherry red from the wind that had slapped at him as he ran. His golden hair was sticking up in multiple places, but he didn't bother to fix it. He could care less about what he looked like in front of Gilbert. He had now seen him in a way that was somehow beyond intimate. He tried to speak between his gasps for oxygen and his childish giggles. "Where.... are we going?" He gasped, taking Gilbert's hand and intertwining his slim fingers with Gilbert's thicker, paler ones.   
"Weeeelllll..." Gilbert looked around. They seemed to have run all the way to town square, a few miles away from Matthew's house.   
The buildings looked to be about the same as they had been four years ago. They all had that old timey western look, with waterlogged roofs and peeling paint of the dullest colors imaginable. Grey, brown, and a solemn blue mixed with dirt. A bright yellow building caught Gilbert's eye, one that hadn't been there when he had left. It had the freshest paint job and the structure didn't lean to the left as the others seemed to. Gilbert pointed to the charming little building and read the sign. "Mrs. Daphne's." He read smiling and tugging Matthew to the baby blue door, which was hanging open. Wonderful smells wafted from the place. One's of cinnamon and sugar and happiness. Gilbert didn't notice that Matthew's steps become more forced, and his smile smaller. Matthew didn't know why, but he felt a heavy weight sink into his chest and drip into his stomach like sticky suffocating glue when he looked at the bright building. It made him want to scream, to cry, to... run.  
As the couple stepped through the door, Matthew's head throbbed uncomfortably, but he ignored it. Maybe he was just hungry. He hadn't eaten since lunch the day before.   
Gilbert went directly to the counter to order, letting go of Matthew's hand, while Matthew looked around the small, but cozy place. A few other early risers sat at cute little tables around the diner, and a few smiled at Matthew, and some people seemed to give him a sympathetic look. Odd.  
Matthew noticed a few pictures near the window and he decided to look, thinking it was just some of the owners or their family.   
What he saw made all the color in the room fade away, and the sounds of the small amount of people eating become loud, too loud. Deafening. Time slowed to a stop, and his breathing became slow and deep, too deep. Someone was screaming. His head pounded and it felt as though it split in two, as if glass had pierced it. His stomach rolled, and he vomited on the carpet. His hands shook violently and all he could see is red. Dripping from the ceiling and his hands and his head. He dropped the picture... of his papa.  
.  
Light seeped through the white curtains and caught the bright blonde hair, illuminating it in a bright halo on top of Arthur's hair. He sipped his morning tea out of a porcelain white tea cup. He thumbed through a newspaper, even though the news never really appealed to him. Too much bribery, court cases, and, of course, death. ''Why can't they just make a decent story on something happy, like flower shop owner makes good, or something?" He muttered under his breath. Alfred had gone to get God knows what from God knows where, and Matthew was still in bed as far as he knew. The boy needed more sleep, judging from the bags under his eyes.   
Arthur sighed and flipped the page, only skimming it before closing it all together. It was just another stupid political ploy. He sat a few more minutes in the silence before finishing off his tea. He decided that this old house was in need of some sort of noise or something other than the oppressive white. It was all rather unnerving. It was after he cleaned his tea cup twice that Alfred came back, toting four bags of fast food. He dropped one on the table and then went up the stairs to give Matthew's his.   
Arthur peaked into the grease spotted bag and grimaced. He was going to comment on it when he heard Alfred running back down the stairs. "Don't you usually eat in your own roo-" he started.  
"Matthew's not in his room. He's gone." Alfred said breathlessly. His eyes were wide with panic. Then they darkened to a stormy blue. "I bet he snuck off with that albino freak. He was acting weird this morning." Arthur scowled, but didn't say anything. Matthew was a good boy. He wouldn't do anything too extreme, even if he was with that reckless upstart Gilbert.   
"Where do you think they went?" Arthur asked filling up his tea kettle again. Now he really needed it. Alfred shoved half a burger into his mouth and answered with his mouth full.  
"Pwababwy town sqwuare"   
Arthur froze. No. Nonononono. Matthew couldn't be there. Not with... that place there.... this couldn't be happening. He had worked so hard to keep him from those memories. He had burned all of the pictures, torn them to pieces. It was the only thing that he had done when he was... away. Granted mostly for himself, but now? Oh, no.... God please no.   
He placed the kettle down with shaky hands and put his shoes on cold feet and left the house on weak legs. Alfred called for him, but he was already running. He had to get to his baby.  
.  
Nikolas awoke, being warmer than he was ever before. His blues eyes were grimy and hard to open. His throat felt swollen and naked. "Man, must of had a rough night..." he thought to himself. He opened his eyes and almost yelled. He was face to face with Mathias... who was not wearing a shirt. Nikolas quickly looked down and sighed in relief. He was still wearing pants.   
He closed his eyes and shifted closer to Mathias, who tightened his arms subconsciously around his waist. Nikolas smiled and snuggled closer, burying his head in Mathias’ warm inviting chest. Nikolas suddenly gasped when the memories flooded back to him. He had told someone, other than Emil. He had told a complete stranger. He had acted like a needy teenage girl. His face flushed red and he sat up, rubbing his face. He couldn't look Mathias in the eye after that. Another thought popped into his head. “If I had acted like… that... then why didn’t Mathias take him?   
Different emotions began to swirl around in his head. Was he ugly? Did he push too far? Did Mathias... care about the scars so much that he wouldn't touch him because they made him twisted? Disgusting? Was he really... worthless?  
Nikolas stood and wiped his eyes. Of course he was. That's what he had wanted. If he couldn't touch him, then no one would. He had made sure of that. Given him these scars on the outside, inside, everywhere.  
Nikolas had to fight to keep down a sob. He finished dressing and silently left the house, making his way to his own. He made it about halfway when he heard footsteps approach. "Wait!"   
Nikolas swung around but kept his eyes down until Mathias caught up. "Why did you leave without saying goodbye?" Mathias asked as they began walking at a pace somewhere in between a walk and a run.   
"I didn't want to wake you." Nikolas lied smoothly. He was so used to lying.   
"Hm." Mathias hummed. "You can wake me whenever you want silly." He smiled and grabbed for Nikolas' hand, but Nikolas evaded by rubbing his face with his hand, as though he was thinking.   
"I'll keep that in mind."  
They walked in complete silence until they reached the steps of Nikolas' house. Nikolas went to open the door when Mathias whipped him around, kissing him hard. When they separated, Mathias touched Nikolas' face gently. "You are beautiful. You cannot forget that. Do you understand me, Nikolas?"  
Nikolas grasped Mathias’ face and came closer to him, relief flooding through his veins. Of course. Mathias wouldn’t care. “Then why-”  
The door swung open and Nikolas pushed Mathias away. His mother stood in her nightgown, her watery blue eyes wide. Mathias didn’t think that Nikolas looked like his mother at all. She was too brunett and too short, her eyes were like murky pond water. "Lukas. Go inside." Nikolas frowned at Mathias and Mathias shivered. Nikolas looked terrified. Both mother and son disappeared behind the door.  
.   
Gilbert didn't understand what had happened. One moment Matthew was fine. The next, he was screaming bloody murder.   
Glass was all over the floor from the broken picture frame. Gilbert grabbed the picture and his stomach rolled. Francis. This was his old flower shop. Oh God. He hadn't recognized it because it used to be blue, and different smells used to come from the open doors.  
He rushed over the Matthew who sat with his legs bent towards him in a fetal position, rocking back and forth, wailing. He gathered the small boy in his arms and rocked him, whispering comforting words into his ear, trying to muffle the bone rattling sobs. People were staring at the two, some with confused wonder and most with pity. Francis had known a lot of people.   
How could he have been this stupid?! He knew that new shops didn't just appear. How could he not have known? He came here so often with Matthew all those years ago. He tightened his arms around his broken love. This was all his fault. Suddenly his arms were empty.   
"Get your bloody hands off him!!" Gilbert winced at the word choice, but kept quiet. "Baby, Mattie, look at me. You're here with your daddy." Arthur glared at Gilbert, his emerald eyes flashing dangerously. "This is your fault. All of it."  
Gilbert mumbled. "I know."  
"Stay away from us. Stay away from my family." Arthur whispered his voice cracking. "Please. See what you do to us? To him?"  
Gilbert couldn't meet Arthur's eyes. "I know."   
Arthur dragged Matthew from the bakery where Matthew collapsed and Arthur carried his baby boy home alone.   
Gilbert sat on the ground staring at nothing until the owner told him he had to leave.  
"I know."  
.  
"Please." Nikolas mumbled. "Please don't tell him."  
His mother was crying. "Why Lukas? What did we do wrong?"  
"Nothing." Nikolas whispered. He was trembling from head to toe." Please mama. Don't tell him"  
His mother took a deep breath. "I have to."  
Nikolas curled into himself and tried to stop the shaking, and the dread that consumed him, going directly into his room. His mother only threw a slightly confused expression his way before exhaling.  
.  
The door creaked open and Nikolas flinched. He tried to pull the blanket around him tighter, and pretend to be asleep. Maybe he would leave him alone. His hands became sweaty and his body began to shake. "Oh God, please no.... no no... nooooo" he whispered, thought, moaned, shouted. The footsteps came closer, the floor squeaking until they stopped right next to his bed. His nails bit into his clammy palm. A rough hand grasped his shoulder and yanked him onto his back. Of course he wouldn’t leave him alone."What have you done, son?"  
The hand trailed to his neck and outlined the scars there, admiring their work. “Letting someone else touch you, hm? I thought I had taken care of the possibility of that happening.”  
"No... nothing.... plea-"   
The hand slapped him across the cheek, silencing him. The man continued. “This boy must be an idiot to touch you…” Tears pooled in his widened eyes and over the edges. “I mean look at you.” He sneered. “You are filthy, used. No one of any intelligence would touch you.” The hand trailed down his neck to his abdomen where the scars stopped. There they pressed down hard, making it difficult for him to breath. “He probably just wants to use you, and then throw you away.” The lips bit at his skin, leaving red marks that would no doubt be purple and brown the next day.  
Nikolas screamed for his mother, screamed for help. No help came. A hand covered his mouth harshly, pushing too hard on his lips and teeth. “That’s all you are good for. To be used, then tossed aside. Like a whore.” His blanket was tossed off of him and his shirt was ripped over his head and tossed aside.   
“You are nothing compared to your brother.” He spat. Nikolas shook his head. Teeth penetrated the skin next to his belly button, drawing blood. Nikolas screamed. Someone had to hear him. But no one cared. “Do. Not. Argue. With. Me.” Nikolas made no movements. With a hard bite to his neck, his underwear was discarded, leaving him bare and vulnerable. Nikolas cursed his body that had reacted favorably when his mind was screaming for him to run. His legs were yanked upwards putting his throat at a position where it was hard to breath, hard to scream. Without preparation or warning he slammed into Nikolas. Nikolas was sure he heard a tearing sound. His whole abdomen felt as though it had been engulfed in fire.   
Pain. Searing agony was all he felt.   
Nikolas screamed, pleaded, cried for it to end. The slamming and pounding continued without reprieve. It felt like hours, years, but the grunting and hands still trailed on. Nikolas couldn’t hold the screams back for long. “It hurts… oh God, it hurts.”   
With a few final thrusts, he finished inside Nikolas with a grunt of carnal pleasure. He took no heed of Nikolas’ need and he got off the bed, Nikolas’ legs flopping down on the filthy, wet bed, cleaned himself up, humming in his job well done. When he had finished, he grabbed Nikolas tears stained face. “Now… he will not touch you, nor anyone else?”   
Nikolas barely nodded. He dropped his head and left the room. Nikolas couldn’t cry anymore. He felt nothing but pain and numbness, He couldn’t feel the blood that dripped from his thighs or the viscous white fluid that seeped from inside onto the sweat soaked bed.  
The door creaked closed.   
There was nothing left. But. Numbness. And. Pain.


	17. Where They Belong

"He's not taking my calls..." Mathias complained, pacing back and forth with his phone tightly grasped in his hand. Tino followed him with his eyes, his mouth set in a worried frown. He was worried about Nikolas as well. It was Berwald that spoke up.  
"M'ybe he is b'sy?" He suggested, handing Tino a cup of steaming coffee. Mathias swiped a hand through his hair, which he had neglected to style this past week. Without the product it lay in flat layers that weren't unattractive, but just not him.   
Mathias had to work hard not to snap at Berwald. "It's been a week, cousin. He would at least text me, right?" He sighed. He looked up and sighed again, his hand in a fist on his hip.   
"Did something happen between you two?" Tino asked anxiously. Mathias shook his head.  
"He left without telling me, and then when I caught up with him I walked him to his house. And then..." he stopped. Tino gestured for him to continue. "And then his mother caught us outside together." He hugged himself. Tino took in a sharp breath, and the color drained from his face. Mathias whipped his blue eyes to Tino's purple. "You know something..."   
Tino dropped his gaze to the floor. He didn't deny it, but he didn't give any information about what he knew either. Mathias strode over to the couch, and knelt to be at Tino's level. "What did he tell you Tino?" He gripped Tino's shoulders and forced the shorter man to look at him. Tears had gathered in the corners of Tino's eyes.   
"W- would you like some tea M-Mathias?" He stuttered. "I c- could go make some."   
Mathias jostled Tino. "Please, Tino." Tino shook his head.   
"It's not mine to tell... he said it had stopped s-so." Tino whispered. Mathias ground his teeth. He had had enough.   
"DAMMIT, TINO! TELL ME!" Mathias shouted, shaking Tino until Berwald ripped Mathias off and started to carry him away, still shouting.  
"Wait, Ber." Tino sniffled. Berwald stopped and waited, and Mathias looked hopefully at Tino, pleading with his eyes. "I'll... I'll tell him. I think he needs to know." Berwald let go of Mathias who had gone completely still, waiting.   
An hour later Mathias was running out of the house and towards his Nikolas.  
.  
Arthur was keeping himself busy with some needlework, as it seemed more productive than knocking on Matthew's door all day, like he had been for the past week. Matthew never left the small room. Arthur suspected he waited for Alfred and himself to be asleep when he went to the bathroom and ate. If he ate. Arthur sighed and rubbed his eyes, dropping the half finished piece of work into the basket at his feet. It was only noon but he was exhausted from staying up as late as possible to try and catch Matthew. He and Alfred had been taking shifts, but soon enough Alfred retreated into himself again, like when Matthew had forgotten him, and stayed in his room almost as often as Matthew. Arthur bit the inside of his cheek. This was just like the time Matthew had done this before, four years ago.  
Almost as soon as Matthew and he had gotten home, Matthew has asked where Gilbert was. Arthur had to tell him that Gilbert was no longer to be part of his life. His heartbroken face was almost enough to make Arthur change his mind. Almost.   
A knock on the door brought Arthur out of his miserable thoughts. He was expecting to have to shoo an albino off his porch, but who he got was someone he had never seen before.   
This boy wore dark skinny jeans and brown boots. He was bundled up in a crimson pea coat and a yellow scarf was tied securely around the fellows neck. His blonde hair was just touching his chin and it was held back by a clip in the shape of a cross. He had pale skin and, Arthur balked. His blue eyes were icy, but they seemed unfocused and half dead. His mouth was set in a straight line, but even that looked breakable. Arthur shook when he saw how similar his eyes looked to how he last saw Matthew's. The boy looked as confused to see Arthur as Arthur was to see the boy.   
"May I help you?" Arthur implored him.   
"Is, um, Matthew home?" Arthur was surprised to hear how brittle his voice was.   
"Yes." Arthur allowed the newcomer in, still slightly confused. The boy nodded to Arthur and took his shoes and coat off, but left the scarf on. He was wearing a dark blue long sleeved shirt underneath his coat. "But, um, he won't come out of his room." Nikolas cocked an eyebrow, but didn't say anything, but headed towards the stairs anyway. Arthur stayed at the bottom of the stairs and listened. There was a soft knock. "Matt? I..." the boys voice hitched. "I need to talk to you." Arthur frowned in confusion then his face morphed into awe as he heard Matthew's door open then swiftly close again. When Arthur ran up the stairs he was more surprised than he should have been to see that the boy had gotten in easier than him.   
.  
Matthew's room was dark. The floor was covered in broken glass and paper's were torn and littered everywhere. It looked just like Nikolas' room after he had told Emil what had happened. His brother was furious, but Nikolas still only felt the pain and the numbness as he watched Emil throw and tear things apart.   
Matthew lead Nikolas to his bed, where they sat down. When Matthew tried to retract his hand Nikolas just gripped it tighter. "Nik?" Matthew rasped. He sounded as though he hadn't spoken in awhile, and cried a lot, which was true. Nikolas couldn't meet his best friends gaze, but he had promised Emil that he would tell someone. Although he doubted that Emil had meant someone who was about as emotionally stable Nikolas was himself. Nikolas glanced into Matthew's defeated and confused eyes. He had to do this. He took a deep breath and tugged at the end of his scarf, letting it fall loosely around his shoulders and to the floor. He avoided Matthew's eyes as he heard an intake of breath.   
The grip on his hand tightened, and he suddenly felt his body wrapped in a bony but warm hug. When they separated, Matthew had a million questions written in his eyes. At least they didn't look so unfocused anymore. Nikolas began before the first words could pass Matthew's lips.   
"When we first became friends, it was in a hospital right?" Matthew nodded, although the details were frustratingly fuzzy. He knew that when Nikolas was there when he was in recovery for the accident, and that Nikolas was the only one who hadn't looked down on him with pity or anger. He had been comfortingly neutral.   
Nikolas took a shaky breath, his free hand massaging his sore throat. Matthew spoke up. "You had bandages all over you, and your neck was completely covered in them. You told me you fell?" Matthew asked, honestly having trouble remembering. Nikolas nodded. "I am guessing that you didn't fall..." Matthew whispered. Nikolas closed his eyes.   
"That..." overdue tears fell freely down Nikolas' red cheeks, but he couldn't feel them. "My step- father-" he stopped and shivered violently. Matthew's eyes widened and his mouth fell open.   
"Your step father..." Matthew took Nikolas' other hand. "He did this to you?" He whispered. Nikolas nodded and fell into himself, his tired bones collapsing. Matthew swallowed. "Did he... do anything else to you?" He asked, trying to hold Nikolas up with his own shaking arms. Nikolas let out a sob and it seemed to take all his energy to nod once. "Oh my God." Matthew murmured. He gathered his friend into his arms and rocked him. He didn't want to ask this, but he knew he had to. "Anything recently?" Nikolas completely fell apart after that, nodding and wailing. Matthew tightened his grip on the boy, like he could protect him from the evils of the world that had already entered in his mind, cracking it. Finally Nikolas formed words.  
"It hurt Matthew!" He wailed. "It hurt so bad."   
Matthew closed his eyes and gripped the back of Nikolas' hair, trying to calm him down. He had never seen his friend like this before. So desperate, scared, and broken.   
It made his problems seem so small and insignificant.   
Nikolas cried and cried, and Matthew cried along with him until they had run out of tears to shed. Then they sat in silence until Nikolas sighed a big, long, relieved sigh.  
"What about you Matt? Why are you holed up in your room?" He rasped. Matthew buried his head in his knees, wrapping his arms around his legs. He explained what had transpired at the diner, or what he remembered. He snorted in mock amusement.  
"And my dad has been hoping to keep everything about papa away from me. To keep me in the dark forever." Nikolas' lip twitched, but he was in no mood to smile. "Dad blames Gilbert for tearing the family apart." Matthew glared at the floor. "When dad is the one that left me for no reason. And Gilbert won't talk to me. I have called and texted but I get nothing." He rubbed his forehead in frustration.   
Nikolas looked at his feet. "I have been ignoring texts from Mathias too." Matthew didn't really know or like Mathias, but he knew how he was feeling, and he felt for him. Nikolas blew out a breath. "I don't want to tell him." Nikolas covered his ears. "What if he thinks me disgusting? Used?" Matthew touched his shoulder.   
"No. If Mathias is truly yours, then he wouldn't care about that. It isn't your fault." Nikolas looked up at Matthew.   
"It's not Gilbert's fault either. He probably thinks it is his fault for setting you off." Matthew nodded and stood.   
"I'm gonna go to him. Convince him that I still love him." Matthew's eyes were determined. "I need him." Nikolas cracked a smile. Matthew looked down to him. "What are you going to do?"   
Nikolas balled up his hands into fists and stood. "I'm going to find Mathias."  
.  
Gilbert sat alone in his room, staring at the wall. He had barely eaten. Hadn't bathed or shaved in the past week. He held onto a picture of Matthew from when they were younger. Matthew's smile had been so easy and relaxed.   
God, he missed him. He didn't know if he could stay away for much longer if this was how only a week felt. His missed Matthew's delicate voice and his soft skin. He longed for the warmth that came from Matthew's lips on his. The heat from Matthew's hands from when they had touched him. He needed Matthew, like a handicapped needed a wheelchair.   
He clenched his hands and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. He couldn't see Matthew anymore. Not after he hurt Matthew this bad for a second time. He didn't think Matthew wanted to see him anyway, after what he had done.   
He almost had a heart attack when a knock came from his window, and again when he saw Matthew crouched before it. His breathing quickened and time slowed down. He unlatched the window lock slowly, but blocked Matthew from entering. "I can't..." he choked. "I can't see you anymore." He whispered. Matthew smiled sadly and somehow maneuvered himself and through the tiny basement window until he was between the wall and Gilbert's body. They were almost touching. "Please Matthew." Gilbert closed his eyes. "I am no good for you. I am tearing your family apart. I'm hurting you over and over again, and I can't forgive-" his words were cut off by Matthew's lips being pressed against his own. When they separated, Matthew wound his arms around Gilbert's neck.   
"Shut up, Gil." He kissed Gilbert again. This one Gilbert readily returned, practically devouring Matthew's mouth. He backed away from the window and laid Matthew down on his soft bed, settling himself on top. His tongue explored Matthew's mouth thoroughly, like he was tasting it for the first time. Matthew trailed his hands underneath Gilbert's crumpled shirt and stroked his stomach and chest as Gilbert ground downwards, making them both gasp at the friction.  
Gilbert met Matthew's gaze for a second before he discarded Matthew's shirt, as well as his own. This time Matthew didn't hesitate. Gilbert had already seen all of him. His darkest secrets and his silliest mistakes. Matthew gasps came in little tiny pants as Gilbert traced the scars and cuts on Matthew's arms with light fingers.   
Their lips lips crashed together once again, and Gilbert ground down again, cursing his restraining pants. He reached towards Matthew's pants button and undid it before taking them off his lover altogether, leaving Matthew in only his boxers. He kicked his own pants off easily, and brought their hips together, making Matthew moan louder.   
"Please, Gilbert." He huffed. "Take me, please. I want you. Please."  
Gilbert was happy to oblige.  
. (>.>) ( haha) (<.<).  
Nikolas had walked to Mathias' house, nervousness pooling in his stomach. How would Mathias react to him suddenly showing up? Would it be okay between them?  
He knocked on the door, only for it to be answered by Berwald. Nikolas opened his mouth but Berwald spoke before him. "Mathias w'nt to y're house... Tino-"  
The color drained from Nikolas' face. Tino had told Mathias. And Mathias had gone to his house. He turned and ran, leaving a worried, confused Berwald.   
Nikolas ran until his chest screamed and his legs wobbled, then kept running. He had to get to Mathias before his father saw him. He continued to run until he actually ran over Mathias.  
They toppled to the ground, and Mathias captured Nikolas in a bone crushing embrace. Nikolas stuck his face into the crook of Mathias' neck, breathing him in.   
There were no words as the two embraced. Mathias wordlessly brought his mouth to the smaller males, and they kissed deeply. Nikolas didn't care if someone saw them. He just needed Mathias with him, never again away from his side.   
There were no words as Mathias carried Nikolas all the way home. There were no words when Mathias tucked Nikolas into his bed. Because this was where he would be from now until forever. With him. There didn't need to be words for them to understand that this is where Nikolas belonged.


	18. What Would You Know?

Arthur tapped his foot in apprehension and his face was carved with worry. He had gone to Matthew's room a couple of hours ago to see if his guest wanted anything to eat, but neither the boy or Matthew were in there, and the window was open, letting the wind blow the trash and curtains around. He could only hope that Matthew had gone to one of his other friends houses, and not to Gilbert's....  
.(oh he went to Gilbert's...).  
Matthew lay on Gilbert's chest, making patterns on it with his lithe fingers. He had a content smile on his flushed face, and his disheveled hair stuck up at odd angles. He only felt a twinge of pain in his lower extremities, but nothing he couldn't stand. Gilbert was humming quietly, sending pleasant vibrations to Matthew's ear. He had one hand entangled in Matthew's hair, and the other securely around Matthew's waist, never to let him go again.   
Matthew sighed happily and snuggled impossibly closer, his legs tangled with Gilbert's, taking in Gilbert's scent of leather and, for some reason, pineapple. "What are you thinking about, Birdie?" Gilbert mumbled, taking a moment to kiss the crown of Matthew's head.   
Matthew smiled wider, if that were possible. "I'm just curious as to why you suddenly smell like pineapples." He flipped over and leaned his chin on Gilbert's chest. "You didn't smell that way when I got here."   
Somewhere during Matthew's observations, Gilbert had a tremendous coughing fit, his face turning completely red to match his wide eyes. Matthew's eyebrow shot up in confusion, and he waited for an answer patiently. Once Gilbert had calmed down, he reached over to his side table and grabbed a bottle of...   
"OH MY GOD!" Matthew hid his face in Gilbert's chest. Gilbert rubbed the back of his head, his cheeks becoming redder by the second.  
"Yeah... I knew that one day that... ya' know.... we would have sex... so I wanted to be prepared..." He mumbled. Matthew giggled and looked up.   
"With... with pineapple scented lube?!"   
Gilbert stuck his chin up. "Hey! Pineapples are awesome!" He exclaimed, but put the bottle back into the drawer, shutting it quickly. Matthew sobered and smiled at Gilbert, his violet eyes wrinkling. Gilbert smiled back and leaned forward to kiss Matthew softly on his slightly swollen lips. When he settled back onto his pillows, Matthew went back to his spot on his chest, but Gilbert spoke up. "Nope, it's my turn to ask a question." He said, pushing Matthew back up. Matthew only sighed and took Gilbert's hand instead.   
"Ask away."  
Gilbert thought for a second. "How... how did you find my house?" He asked, realizing that he had never told Matthew where he lived. Matthew pursed his lips before answering, his cheeks tinged with a slightly pink color again.   
"Well... I went over to Antonio's house... and um... asked him." He answered too quickly.   
Gilbert snorted. "There has to be more."  
"What tells you that?" Matthew asked looking away, "That's what happened." Gilbert messed up Matthew's hair even more until Matthew batted his hands away.  
"C'mom Birdie. You wouldn't be acting like this if that's all that happened." He stated, putting his arm back on Matthew's waist, shifting him a little closer.   
"How do you know?" Matthew asked, "I could always act like this." He turned his head away.   
Gilbert put his hand on Matthew's cheek and made Matthew look at him in the eyes. "I know you, Matthew." Matthew could only nod dumbly at Gilbert's searing gaze. Then Matthew sighed.  
"He was..." Matthew coughed. "Well, he was not wearing a shirt, and he seemed to be in quite the rush to get rid of me sooo..." Gilbert cracked up, and Matthew buried his face into his hands.   
"I wonder what flavor lube they use!" Gilbert laughed. Matthew punched Gilbert on the arm.   
"Oh God Gil, stop!" He cried, smiling widely.   
Matthew waited until Gilbert got control of himself before he gripped Gilbert's hand tighter with slightly shaking hands.   
"My turn right?" He asked, and Gilbert nodded looking just a little concerned. Matthew took a deep breath. "Can you..." he stopped and looked down. Gilbert pulled his head back up with a gentle caress on his cheek. "Can you tell me... about my papa?"  
...

Mathias sat against the wall on the warm bed, with Nikolas in between his legs and a blanket wrapped around them both. Mathias rested his head on Nikolas' shoulder and took a deep breath that was released as a sort of relief. He tightened his arms on Nikolas' waist. No one would touch him ever again.  
As soon as Mathias had gotten Nikolas to his (Mathias) house, he had put him in his bed, and tried to walk out, most likely to stake out the other’s house, but Nikolas had grabbed his hand, and now they were in this position.   
Nikolas had not spoken since he got there hours ago, perhaps because he could feel the anger rolling off Mathias, although he did turn his phone off when the constant vibrations became too much for him. "You went to my house?" He asked, turning his head to get a look at Mathias. Mathias worked his jaw before answering.  
"Yeah," he said shortly. "No one was home."   
Nikolas nodded, a little relieved. Not for his family's safety, excluding Emil, but for Mathias'. His step -father was a big man, and terrifying when provoked.  
"Why didn't you tell me Nikolas?"   
Nikolas cringed at the hurt that seeped through Mathias' voice. "I... I didn't want you to hate me. Think I was used. Filthy." Nikolas whispered. "I was scared, Mathias." He rubbed his throat. "He gave me the scars so that nobody would want to touch me. He said that no one would love me because of them, and because I was a Bastard of another man. He thought that, if he did those things to me, that no one would touch me." He explained bitterly. "S-so when I found someone that I could... l-love... I didn't want to lose it, so I kept it all a secret, thinking that it would stay that way forever." He sniffled.   
Mathias brought Nikolas closer and kissed his wet cheek softly. "You are not any of those things." He whispered into Nikolas' ear. "You are perfect and beautiful and I wouldn't change a thing about you." He turned Nikolas' head and brought his lips to the others in a tender kiss that held promises for the future. "You have become my everything Nick." He laughed shortly. "In these few weeks you have taken over everything in my mind. Well, more than they used to." He intertwined their fingers and kissed Nikolas again, this time a little harder. He smiled into it when Nikolas responded by pulling Mathias until he was hovering over the him. Nikolas threaded his fingers through Mathias' soft hair, trying to force him closer. His heart was pounding in his ears and this time in a good, exhilarating way. Mathias fumbled with Nikolas' scarf before finally getting it free, letting it drop to the floor. He kissed from Nikolas' collar bone his marred chest, unbuttoning Nikolas' shirt as he went. Nikolas was taking deep panting breaths, arching his torso towards Mathias in an attempt to become closer.   
Mathias rubbed at Nikolas' length through his pants and Nikolas moaned, making a spike of heat swirl down south. Mathias completely removed Nikolas' shirt when Nikolas suddenly tensed and threw his body towards the headboard, shaking.   
Mathias blinked before letting out a deep exhale. "I'm sorry, Nick... I didn't mean to..."   
Nikolas shook his head, his eyes closed tightly. "It's not you. Maybe... maybe we could go slower... like progress a little more each time we do... whatever it is we are doing...?" Nikolas asked, taking Mathias' hand with his trembling one. Mathias' eyes softened.   
He caressed Nikolas' cheek and nodded, even though that plan sounded really frustrating in multiple ways.   
...  
"What have you got to say for yourself young man?" Arthur asked. Matthew sat on the couch, trying to see past his livid father to the t.v. where his favorite hockey team was playing. "Sneaking off to who knows where-"  
"I was at Gil's." Matthew stated flat out. Arthur changed a range of twelve different colors and sixteen different emotions in under a second.   
"I told him to stay away from you!" Arthur shouted, grabbing the remote and turning the game off. Matthew sighed and rubbed his eyes tiredly.   
"He was, but I told him differently. I need him dad." Matthew said, standing. Arthur pursed his lips.   
"Mattie, you have to think about what's best for you." He grasped Matthew's hands." And I don't think that Gilbert is it. He's impulsive and he just isn't good for you. You know what happened at the diner. You cannot just let that happen, and he knew better." Matthew bit his lip and ripped his hands out of Arthur's.   
"How would you know what's good for me? What do you mean, 'you can't let that happen?' How would I have known about anything? You won't tell me anything." Matthew started in a whisper. "You can't just appear after four years and act like a father to me! At least Gilbert told me about papa, whereas you would have kept it a secret for the rest of my life!" Matthew yelled, making Arthur flinch. He had never heard Matthew shout before.   
"Gilbert told you about him?" Arthur gulped.   
"Yes, he did because I asked. I was tired of being kept in the dark. And from what he told me, he would be happy that I found Gilbert again, that we are together." Matthew said, his voice shaking.  
Arthur balled his fists. "He would not be so happy if he knew what Gilbert had done recently, how he broke you! Just like those four years ago!"  
Matthew's eyes flashed brilliantly and fiercely. "WHAT WOULD YOU KNOW! YOU WERE THE ONE THAT KEPT ME THAT WAY!" Arthur paled. Matthew stepped closer so he was face to face with Arthur. "I would have gotten over Gilbert if I had some sort of support, but you were too busy with work! Then after the accident you were too busy blaming others to even look at me! Have you ever stopped and looked at yourself? Have you ever stopped and wondered why papa wanted to get out of the house so badly that rainy day? Cause let me tell you, it wasn't Alfred or me." Matthew turned and walked towards the stairs, grasping his head in pain of the sudden memory, where he brushed past Alfred who had come to see the commotion. Alfred caught Matthew's shoulder. Matthew's stomach rolled.  
"What's going on?" He asked, his voice slightly panicked. Matthew frowned towards Arthur and brushed his brother off before running up the stairs. He ran to the nearest toilet where he threw up. His head pounded as it tried to regain some memory. The look on his father’s face burned behind his eyes.  
He wiped at the tears that suddenly came from his eyes. He wanted so badly for this to work out for them. He wanted his family back, and now he had ruined it. Again.   
Matthew stumbled to his room where he passed out on his bed before his head hit the pillow.   
...  
Nikolas glanced at his phone and smiled when he saw that none of the texts were from his step father. They were mostly from Emil, asking where he was and if he was okay. Then he got another one. 

 

Dad:   
When am I going to meet your "special friend?"

Nikolas blushed and laughed. 

Me: Tonight?

Dad: sounds great!

Nikolas closed his phone and smiled at Mathias who looked at him curiously.  
"There is someone I want you to meet."


	19. Ensnared

Mathias walked past Nikolas for the sixth time, adjusted his collar for the eighth time, and ran a hand through his perfectly styled hair for the millionth time. Nikolas watched with an amused smirk on his face.   
"You look fine." He said, crossing his arms over his chest.  
Mathias looked to Nikolas. "What if he doesn't like the way my hair is styled?" He whined. He whipped his blue eyes to Nikolas who stood and tied his scarf on and was reaching for his jacket.   
"I like your hair." Nikolas stated with a shrug.   
Mathias sighed. "Well of course you do. It's amazing!" He exclaimed. "But you're not your dad. What if he hates it?"  
Nikolas took the others hand with his. He leaned forward and pecked Mathias on cheek. "You'll do fine." Mathias sighed, messed with his hair one more time, and nodded.   
"If you say so."   
Nikolas smiled tenderly back at Matthias. "I know so."  
...  
Arthur softly knocked on Matthew's door before entering it slowly. "Mattie?"   
Matthew sat up and tears immediately began to form in his lilac eyes. He leapt from his bed and tucked Arthur in a bony hug. "I'm so sorry dad. I didn't mean what I said. I'm sorry."  
Arthur smiled softly and separated himself from Matthew. He took his hand and led them to sit on Matthew's messy bed. Matthew opened his mouth to speak but Arthur started first.   
"Did I ever tell you how Francis and I met?" Matthew blinked, then shrugged. Arthur let out a breathy laugh. "We met at college, where I was studying English and he was supposedly studying biology." Matthew giggled.   
"Supposedly?" He asked, wrapping his lithe arms around his knees.   
Arthur crossed his legs neatly. "Yes. Although he seemed to rather like studying all sorts of people, rather than cells. I don't know how he got anything done with all of the sex and parties I saw him go to." Arthur blushed. "Not that I watched him." Matthew laughed. "Anyway, we formally met when he was completely drunk and falling all over himself right in front of my dorm room. He, for some reason, had knocked on my door for a solid hour before it went silent." Arthur covered his mouth. "The idiot had fallen asleep right outside my door, in the middle of the bloody hallway." He laughed. Matthew's face broke out into a grin. "Well I took pity on the poor chap and brought him inside, plopped him on my couch, and went to bed after a nice cup of tea." Arthur took a breath and stared in front of him. "I thought he would be gone in the morning. But, I wasn't so lucky. Instead he had decided to stay and cook breakfast, despite me telling him to get out. He looked at me and said 'Ah, but darling. How else could I ever say thank you?'" Arthur swallowed. "It was the best food I have ever eaten." He took a deep breath and wiped at his eyes. Matthew reached out and took Arthur's hand. Arthur smiled gently and kept speaking. "After that we just seemed to keep... finding each other. Wherever he was, I was, or the other way around. At first I thought he was stalking me." Arthur laughed. "We fought so much. About really trivial things too. That's why I was so shocked when I realized that I had... fallen in love with him. I denied it for a long time after that. After all, I didn't think he loved me back, as he would still party and sex it up. Every time he got drunk, though, he came to my dorm, then cooked me breakfast in the morning."  
Matthew nodded. "That sounds nice."  
Arthur sighed. "You would think so." Matthew tilted his head. "I began to think that that was all I was to him. Someone that gave him pity, a room, and he was obligated to repay me." Arthur rubbed his forehead with his free hand. "One night, it just all boiled over. I got so angry that I blurted out whatever I felt at the time. Including the fact that I loved him, and I had for a long time." A light blush softened Arthur's cheeks. "He kissed me senseless after that. He told me he had felt the same way for a long time, and I didn't want to believe him, so I kicked him out." Matthew's eyes widened. Arthur waved his hand. "I just had to investigate. I asked all of his friends, and they had said that he hadn't gone to a party in ages, or slept with anyone for even longer. After that I confronted Francis." Matthew leaned forward.  
"What did he say?"  
"The fool had been getting himself drunk just so he could come to see me, because that was the only way he thought that I would see him outside of school." Matthew and Arthur burst out laughing.   
"After that?" Matthew asked, smiling.   
Arthur touched Matthew's chin. "The rest is history. We still fought, neither one of our families approved of either of us dating a man, and we finally were able to adopt you and Alfred."  
"Your family didn't approve?" Matthew asked, looking down. Arthur sighed.   
"No. But they adore you and Alfred."  
They were silent for a few moments, trapped in their own thoughts. Arthur sighed and picked up the black hoodie that was next to Matthew's pillow. "I haven't been the father that I should have been. All I have done is put you down and leave you alone. Francis was always better with you and I with Alfred. I have only ever loved one person, so I don't know how to love others very well."  
Matthew chewed the inside of his cheek. Arthur handed him the hoodie. "You love him a lot don't you." He said, forming it as a statement, and not a question. Matthew nodded anyway, taking the hoodie. Arthur sighed loudly and rubbed his head. "I'll need to meet him again." Matthew's head snapped up.   
"Dad?"  
"Oh, blast it all, you can date the bastard." Arthur groaned. Matthew laughed and slammed into Arthur, hugging him.   
"Thankyouthankyouthankyou!" Matthew said, laughing and crying at the same time. He stood suddenly and laced his shoes on quickly. Before he exited his room, he ran back to Arthur and kissed his cheek. "I love you, dad."   
Then he turned and sprinted from the house, his hands still holding the black hoodie.  
.  
Alfred had been walking past Matthew's room when he heard the two of them talking. He sat on the outside wall and listened to the story his father told, and the permission Matthew had been granted, all with a smile and tears falling from his blue eyes.   
Matthew didn't even notice him.  
...

"Wow. I can see where Nikolas gets his good looks." Mathias blurted out as soon as they had found Nikolas' father. Nikolas hadn't even introduced them yet. Mathias' face turned dark red and he couldn't bring himself to look at the man in front of him. Nikolas suppressed a smile.   
Nikolas, that is the first, had the same colored eyes as his son. An icy blue. However his had more warmth than his son's eyes had. He was only a few inches taller than Mathias with platinum blonde hair that was cut neatly at the neck. It didn't fall into his eyes like the younger ones did. He was wearing jeans and a puffy green coat. His smile was kind.   
Nikolas coughed and held his hand toward his father. "Mathias, this is my father Nikolas. Dad, this is Mathias, my uh, boyfriend." His father laughed and pounded an embarrassed Mathias on the back, making the boy cough.  
"Nice to meet you Mathias."  
"N-nice to meet you Mr. Bondevik." Mathias said after he had recovered.   
"Hope you are treating Nik well, or I may have to-"  
"He is treating me fine, dad." Nikolas cut his father off. His father smiled and rubbed Nikolas' head fondly. Mathias only felt a twinge of jealousy. He couldn't remember the last time his father did that to him.   
They walked around the park for a few hours and Mathias concluded that Nikolas and his father were very different. Nikolas was more dull and not eccentric. His father was like and extroverted peacock of many colors. He seemed to get excited about the smallest things about his sons life, and he even expressed his love of Emil, even though they were in no way related; he explained "a brother of my son is a son of mine in my book." Although Nikolas was trying to hide it, Mathias knew that he was really happy.   
Oh how easily happiness can be shattered, and so quickly.   
"You look like you're sweating son." Nikolas paled. "Why don't you take at least your scarf off?" Nikolas glanced at a bewildered Mathias.   
"No. I am okay."  
To Mathias it clicked immediately. His father didn't know. About anything.   
The truth hidden can come out so quickly, it is blinding. Crippling.   
"Nikolas!" Both of them looked up to see Emil running toward them, a horrible limp in every step. Nikolas had lost all his color and he ran to catch his brother. Emil had a black eye and his cheeks were swollen and red. He wasn't wearing a coat, and his white shirt was crumpled. And yet he tried to push Nikolas away. "You have to get out of here!"  
"Emil, brother... what..." Nikolas chocked on his words.   
Emil began to cry and shot a glance behind him. "I'm sorry brother... he... he made me tell." Nikolas' heart pounded in his ears. "He is right behind me, chasing me. I... I was trying to get to Leon's house, but...you have to get out of here."   
Nikolas grabbed Emil's wrist and pulled him onto his back. He got back to his father and Mathias. "We have to-"  
"There you are you little shit."   
Fear gripped Nikolas' heart and his words came out it gasping breaths. Mathias moved until he stood in front of Nikolas and Emil.   
Amos came forward until he spotted Nikolas and his father. His unfocused eyes flashed and he stumbled closer.   
"Ah, my boys. Together again." He mumbled. He turned his eyes to Nikolas' father. "What the fuck are you doing here you bastard?" Nikolas' father stepped in front of all of the teens and stood at his full height. He was still nothing compared to Amos.  
"You're drunk. You need to go home." Mathias now knew where Nikolas got his glare from.   
"Not without my children. They are my property." Amos spat at Nikolas (father). Mathias felt someone grab his sleeve and tug. He turned and saw that Emil had passed out and Nikolas was close.   
"People aren't your property. Now back away."   
Amos laughed and took a step back, only to swing his arm forward and connected his fist with Nikolas' face. Or what would have been Nikolas' face if his son hadn't stepped in between.   
No matter how much we love or hate, it all ends, no matter how ensnared we get.  
...  
Matthew slipped through the basement window and Gilbert laughed. "You know, we have a door."  
Matthew wrapped his arms around Gilbert's torso and smiled up at him. "I like feeling like a superhero. Because they never go through front doors."   
Gilbert leaned down and kissed Matthew softly. "Yeah. Okay." Matthew playfully shoved him off. Matthew pointed to a stack of boxes in the corner.  
"You haven't finished unpacking yet?"   
Gilbert rolled his eyes and flopped down on his back to his bed. "Unpacking is so unawesome and boring." He felt the weight of the bed change as Matthew crawled on top of him, putting his head on his chest. Gilbert put his arms around Matthew. "I love you so much Birdie." He whispered, kissing the crown of Matthew's head. Matthew smiled.  
"I lo-"  
Gilbert's phone began to ring obnoxiously, cutting Matthew off. Gilbert smiled apologetically and reached over to answer the phone. It was an unknown number.  
"Hello?" He was silent for a few moments before he sat up suddenly. "What?" His eyes grew large and shiny. His skin became paler. "But, how? She was fine a few days ago." He was silent and he buried his hand in his hair. "I... I understand. I'll get there as soon as possible." He clicked his phone off and rubbed his face.   
"Gilbert?" Matthew whispered from the bed. "What's wrong?" He gasped when he saw tears trailing down Gilbert's face.   
Gilbert grabbed a bag and began to shove it full of random clothes. He seemed to have forgotten that Matthew was there. Matthew stood from the bed and grabbed Gilbert's wrists, making him look at him. Gilbert took a deep breath. "Lilli is dying." Matthew gasped. "I... I have to go to Germany to see her... before... she..." he swallowed and pulled Matthew forward, hugging him tightly. He put his head on Matthew's shoulder. "I'm sorry... I know we just found each other.... I have to..."  
"I'll go with you." Matthew said.  
Gilbert looked up. "Really?"  
"Yes." He wiped away the tears from Gilbert's cheek. "I'll always go with you. We are hopelessly ensnared with each other , and I am not going to let you go ever again."  
...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter of Ensnared, but there is a sequel in the works! Until next time!  
> Thank you for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> I hate to disappoint, but this is basically the last time you see Belgium...  
> I was kinda young when I started this, and she just sort of... poof!


End file.
